I'm scared to embrass myself

As the title says, I’m scared. Like, actually, physically nauseous.

Okay, let me explain.

Tomorrow, there’s this stupid event at my uni. And somehow, for reasons beyond my comprehension, it involves me (a painfully shy person) DANCING. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. INCLUDING HIM.

HIM I mean this guy I am obssessed over.

I had a full-blown panic attack earlier, not because I have to dance (which is already my personal hell) but because he is going to be there. Watching. Judging(?) And what if he gets the ick? Even though he doesn’t know me (yet), this could be his very first impression of me. And it’s going to be humiliating. I can already see him side-eyeing me, nudging his friends, laughing. Maybe even mocking me. I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

I really want to end my life. Say that I am dramatic but this situation bring me sucidal thought and I really want to kms just thinking of that.

So what now? Do I fake an illness? Swallow enough pills to not wake up? Or do I actually go up there and dance (no)?

I will tell you tomorrow (if I wake up) what I did.