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DISCLAIMER: This isn't a rant about gender envy, it's about penis envy but idk if using that word in the title would get me banned TvT
Guess who's back to crying about how much they wish they had a penis ;3;
It's like- I ENJOY girlhood or at least being feminine but it'd be 1000000000% better if I had a penis. I literally lay in bed at night picturing what it would be like if I just had a penis and what God must've been thinking when he created my life plan or whatever. I bet he sounded something like "Oh yeah, let's just give this one a FUCK ton of penis envy and confusion. That'll be real funny to see them figure out" LIKE BRO HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING-. At this point in my life everything is just confusing asf. I try googling shit to see if maybe I'm just trans or what but then I see "this is how it was for me but everyone's experience is unique" and that is a phrase that's NOT helpful rn ToT. Then I sit there thinking "Hey, maybe genderfluidity?" but I've never felt like I wanted switch up my gender expression or pronouns. Like yeah, I enjoy dressing like a tomboy every now and then but that doesn't mean I'm genderfluid. Like- it's just very strong penis envy ;-;
I enjoy my tits, I enjoy dressing like a tomboy and/or going full feminine, I prefer having 'she' in my pronoun set, I just REALLY want a penis ToT
and omggggg the amount of times I found myself debating with my pronouns. Rn I just have them as she/they but last night I was like "wait...she/he?" and then I cried because I like it but idk what that means for my identity ;-;
THEN there was this other time I was having a full on meltdown over gender identity and as I thought "maybe non-binary?" I felt HUGGED but nobody was there. Idk if my body was suddenly just like "fuck this, I'm sick of being upset. Calmations." or if this is a sign from God or the universe or whatever I'm just under the umbrella? Def think I'm maybe under the umbrella but that just brings me back to square one where I'm like "who tf am I?" and it's all because of me and my fckin penis envy ToT
Then I hear "well you don't have to put a label on it" and I'm like "If I don't put a label on it I'll die" LIKE I JUST WANT TO HAVE WORDS TO PUT TO WHO I AM ToT ToT ToT
Like if I can't give an in-depth explanation to myself on who I am with terms and everything I'm just gonna keep having meltdowns and never be happy :') /hj
Anyways, thats my rant on my confusing asf penis envy and gender identity<3
Stay safe, love y'all and ty for reading this far ^3^
Comments
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silas
it’s possible you could be transsexual but not transgender. it’s obvious that you have very strong sex dysphoria, at least in some regards, but you seem ok presenting as a woman as far as i can tell so i think it’d make sense
you could maybe also be bigender, identifying partially as male and partially as female. it doesn’t have to be 50:50, this label could work even if you feel more like a girl
i can’t really say anything for sure though, i’m just throwing out some possibilities. good luck, i hope you can figure yourself out
Milow
To me labels were more confusing than anything bc i was putting soo much pressure on myself to find one word that fit me. But I can still understand how it can be important to other people.
One this that helped me figure myself out was picturing the gender spectrum as a donut, with masc on the right, fem on the left, both on top and none on the bottom. And you can be anywhere on that donut. You can even pick an entire section on it and be like yup that's where i am, like me, i litterally place myself on a whole half of it lol. Gender as society sees it today is completly made up.
I hope this helps a little bit, I'm curious to know what you think about this donut thing!
Aslo excuse my english.
I think the donut thing is a rlly cool concept! Idk if it’ll work for me but advice and stuff like this is always appreciated :)
by L<3llie; ; Report
Paulsero
Sounds like you may be ok with using the term non-binary, I’m sure with time you can figure out everything, I sometimes wish a had a penis but I’m fine with what I have, I know I’m non-binary but I wouldn’t mind having both, like I’d love just have one, but gender is weird and complex, stuff may sound good in theory but are a lot more complex when it comes to real life, im sure there will be a long term solution for you so you can find the right label
If u want someone to talk to, I can be a safe space, ik u don’t know me and all but I Honestly hv a very ignorant view of society and think everyone is nice and stuff, I’m here, as a Non-binary bean :3