Life update

Hey, thank you for clicking on this blog post because I know you care about me, and I appreciate that a lot. Before continuing to read, I want to let you know that I will be talking about political and religious stuff, which may turn into a rant/vent, so to not be triggered further, I advise you to not read this post. Thank you.

Lately, I've been distracted with a philosophical topic about rights & law, and I was really close to finishing it, but I kinda gave up because it was a very complex topic for me to do since I was doing small research instead of looking into the right literature.

So for now, I will be taking a small break from studying & and researching until March 1st, when I will start studying from a book I was given earlier this month. So what will happen with posts? Maybe I'll translate some lessons and post them, but since it takes me a lot of time to do it, I'll try to keep some lessons for myself, for I need to be flexible about the time.

I still don't know the date of my entrance exam since it is not published on the official site of the university I'm gonna enroll in. Because of that, I'm predicting the date will be around the end of June and the beginning of July. And so that's why I need to be flexible with time, because summer is slowly nearing and I still didn't study half of the lessons + the fact that I still don't know the exact date.

When it comes to the current political situation in Serbia, the protests are still ongoing... The president is still ignoring us and distracting everyone with some other unnecessary things that no one cares about currently. It's really tense over here, people are complaining about the protestants, protestants occupy every street and school in every town/city, some seniors in high school are afraid of how will they finish their last year, and so on... people are divided on 3 sides: one that is supporting the protests, one that is supporting the president and the one that is just neutral and in the middle of both sides because they want everything to end.

I'm still affected by all of this because while I understand the people who are in the middle ground, I also strongly support the students. So, every day, I'm frustrated. I take all the complaints from people that trust me I won't judge them (which I obviously would never do unless you have a mindset of ones who support corruption n control n shit), and I'm kinda full with negativity and that's why I'm not so active on this account because I don't want to drain y'all with my shitty life over there.

I'm also frustrated at the people who are quiet about this and just sitting with crossed arms and yapping about how nothing will work and we are doomed as humanity. Those people are straight-up pessimists who do nothing and just complain. Sorry, not sorry, but I'm just being honest here. If your ass is just doing nothing, of course nothing works for you, because you're doing nothing to change it. I call those people escapists because they just survive and nothing more than that. Often, people like that think being rich is the only way to win in life. People like that have lost all hope, and they stopped protecting and healing it when other people crushed it.

May I say that I refuse to be like people who constantly bring me down, that I refuse to let people who are unhappy about their life tell me what to do, and that I refuse to become like people who hurt me because I'll end up hurting others.

So, I was thinking about taking a small break from studying and writing a religious text (preferably Orthodox Christian since that's what my religion is) regarding this situation. I decided to do this since I'm tired of escapists. The text explains how Christianity is misunderstood, comparing Christ's followers to today's students and finding the symmetry there, which is: fight for justice against the system with love, harmony, and hope. The reason why I am writing this text is because the Church is associating with politics and does not support students. One priest even got arrested and lost his job because he supported students, which is vile.

And I am constantly going back and forth, constantly changing my mind about whether should I write such, regardless of my intentions. Do I even deserve to write such if I don't know most of the things myself? Do I even deserve to contribute? While my frustration fuels my will to write, my uncertainty about myself keeps me from doing so. And I don't know if that's just sabotaging or questioning.

Not only that I'm changing my mind, but I'm always distracted as well. My thoughts get interrupted, I procrastinate all the time, I do something else that I'm certain about. Even while I'm writing this, I am distracted and interrupted.

I've also isolated myself from my friends as a distraction because all of our conversations are based on today's politics. As much as I love spending time with them, I cannot talk only about problems, and while I am currently stuck financially and unemployed (currently unable to get employed because... REASONS), I cannot even go out with them.

Since I don't want to end this post on a bad note, and I don't want to complain just like escapists do, I'll say that I'll eventually finish that text and publish it; I don't care, tbh. Even if I'm uncertain, I still have hope for myself and for others because that's the only good thing I have in these bad times. So treat this post as just a life update. I hope I did not trigger any of y'all. And please don't worry about me because I'm probably currently being dramatic because everything is overwhelming, and emotions consume my mind basically. I'll be fine; everyone and everything is gonna be fine. I just wanted to update everyone on my current mental, political/religious, and academic life situation.

Edit:
Honestly, I don't want to write the religious text anymore because I don't feel obligated to do so. At the time I did because I felt overwhelmed, but now I have cleared up my mind about it and I don't wish to do it. I wanted to judge and criticize A LOT in that text, and I know I'm not like that usually. It was a defence mechanism because I was overwhelmed. I just needed time to think about it, and I think I have brought a good decision. I've deleted all the drafts of it and so I will not start to write about it ever again.

So that's it, I will not talk about this anymore. I don't wanna confuse and trigger y'all further.