thoughts on Christianity + rant

i think religion is an interesting concept. I am Christian myself, but lately I've been getting thoughts. have humans truly become so weak to the point of relying on a deity that isn't confirmed to be real to solve the problems of their life? to explain their miserable lives as 'a challenge'? i havent done my research on other religions, that's for sure, but that's how it feels. maybe I am much too young to understand things like these. maybe it is to explain the unexplainable. but I don't think mere humans should delve into topics their mind can't possibly grasp. maybe gods do exist. maybe they do not. don't get me started on laws built on religion. homophobia and transphobia is normalized because of religion. it is normalized to hate a minority because someone had misinterpreted some words to express their hateful ideologies. humans are too strong. too capable. humans are simply confined with the bars of the law, most of them, at least. the rules for humans have become too weak, too weak to the point i once thought that maybe dictatorship wasn't so bad (I don't believe this anymore). the ones in power, the ones voted in the government, are ones who have selfish beliefs and don't think about others. humans at the very core are evil. it is the environment they grow in that changes or grooms them to stay that way. so, humans,  believing in deities and other gods could be a good thing. humans finally have a proper guide to life. to make the world a little better. but it doesn't seem that way. humans are so beautifully imperfect and cruel. im just glad some people even do the bare minimum. at this point I'm happy that some people have the energy to say good morning. these thoughts make me feel guilty, even if I do believe in the Lord. even if I believe Jesus died on the cross for all of us in a personal level. i don't want to leave Christianity. it has made someone as miserable as me find comfort, which proves my point in humans believing in deities to find a reason why their lives are miserable.