bro what is happening with me

i have a phobia of whales, all types of them give me a panic attack.

"i have never visited the sea in my life before, not even a beach, not even any water park, not even an aquarium at least"
i really dont remember how i got this phobia, but since i was a kid I have been afraid of all whales.

i remember my first time saw the movie finding clown fish"if yk yk" when i was a kid ,i think 7 or 8 years old .i only remember from that movie the shot where the whale swallows clown fish the little fish i remember how his teeth looked like straws ,and i remember how i wet my pants with fear when i saw that, the panic attack that came over me, the shortness of breath, the terror. i was a stupid kid

today i was randomly scrolling on tik and found an orca trainer doing a tutorial on how to feed "ur orca". i have myopia so i had to hold my phone away from my face to see what was on the screen and when i realized that this was an orca i had the same panic attack. But it was less. Much less than i remembered, at least i didnt wet my pants, just shortness of breath and heart pain. Much less since the last time i saw an orca. "It was an ad about how animals suffer in the circus and the ad was showing how sad the orca was, literally what i did at that time was scream and have a panic attack and severe heart pain with shaking hands and i dropped my laptop to the floor by mistake and it broke."