vent

I literally cant stop talking about him, I feel annoying to all of my friends because I bring it up EVERYDAY. I'm saying "it" but really I cant stop thinking about him, I've never liked someone like this and it freaks me out. I DREAM ABOUT HIM, I've imagined his face on other guys unconsciously. Another girl likes him..kinda..she likes every guy she talks to. She'll flirt with her friends ex's and stuff. but she talked to HIM today I got so angry because ..I dunno he's not my boyfriend so do I even have a right to get jealous? I should be studying for my chemistry test but instead I'm typing this stupid blog post about my boy problems and how I want a guy who I've only spoken to once. I'm such a loser..I just want him to look at me and at least think I'm pretty. I'll tell myself and my friends "no..I'm over him it was a stupid crush" BUT ITS NOT and I want it to go away so badly. I was so weirded out by my own obsession that I wouldn't even look at him for two weeks. I just want this to go away but I know it wont. I see him everyday at school I've tried ignoring him and when I do he stares at me and I start getting my hopes up that MAYBE I have a fucking chance. I hate seeing stupid "yandere" post where they say that their obsessed with their crush but they don't even understand the toll it takes on your mental health. if he didn't look my way or walk past me it would RUIN my day. It used to be worse, I would think about him when I woke up, once I went to sleep, even walking to my next class. gosh I need more hobbies..I wasted so much time on this stupid paragraph. I still want him to be my boyfriend..I realize that I would be a horrible girlfriend though, I'm insecure. I get jealous easily, I don't have patience, and what if I don't even like him as a person? He's attractive but..I remember that at one point of this long crush that's all he really was, attractive..he offered nothing other than that to me. Not saying that he isn't interesting as a person..I just don't know that much about him. If I decide to lock in and start again with manifesting him..uh I'll probably write and update next week..(I need a job #thisiscringe)