she made me relapse

TW: mentions of SH and (possibly) bullying

if anyone has read my previous blog posts you'll know that there's been a girl who's been taunting me for my computer typing being too loud. i think that would've been fine if i'm used to this system of "friendship". but the problem is, she made me relapse.

i started again because of her. and now i do it every day. she's the reason why i keep a pair of scissors by my bedside every night just in case i have the urge to do it again. i have 20-ish scars on my wrists just because of her. and she's the reason i stay awake at night crying about why i have no friends-- it's all because of her. i feel like she's even made people distance themselves from me by saying random ass shit about me or false comments... 

i'm so tired. when will the pain end? i mean, i have more friends here than in my old school (at this moment) but i feel lonelier than i was in my old school. i feel really isolated sometimes from all the other girls at my school. but i just really hate that she made me relapse. i was 5 months clean already and now i feel the urge to do it daily. and i feel like even if i tell her how i feel, even if i would show her all 20 of my scars and the pair of scissors i used to do it, she wouldn't care.