micro-fiction monday: feb 24

cw: child endangerment, delusions, conditions mimicking psychosis, victorian old-timey speech

14th of July, 1891

My dear brother,

I should say it had been too long since last I wrote, but that would be my cowardice hiding behind ceremony, so i will come to the matter directly. I am in desperate need of your assistance.  

The whole strange affair started in the springtime, but now has accelerated so dramatically that I only hope this letter will be received with enough time that I may still be saved.

It has been my habit many afternoons in the springtime, as you are well-aware, to take long walks around the town.  Although the habit started upon advice from Doctor Helmsby to help with the melancholy I’d been suffering after Elsie’s birth, it is now, nearly four years later, a habit I am equally unwilling and unable to break.  Even on days where the weather is truly bitter, I cannot help but find myself, cloak in hand, eager to set out upon the town.
Elsie had asked most times this spring to join with me.  Of course, I often obliged, unless the weather was unfavourable. Elsie still does not talk much, but she does make for a good companionship nonetheless, and naturally, everyone in town is always excited to see her.
As we passed through Eastfield Park, I lowered my parasol for a brief break, when Elsie’s attention was captured. She pointed to the ground and asked,
 “What’s that?”

I saw nothing, other than the path we had walked on. I asked her what she meant.

“Here!” and she traced an outline with her fingers on the dry earth.  My shadow.

I explained to Elsie the best I could, that shadows are attached to us, and they are a part of us.  When the sun is shining, shadows play a game where they copy what we do.”

Elsie’s response will forever live in my mind.

“It doesn’t copy you.  Well, it will now, but only because you’re looking.”

I asked Elsie to explain what she meant.

“Your shadow only plays that game when you’re watching it.”

I told her that I hadn’t found that funny, and scolded her for trying to play a trick on me.  She was sullen the rest of the evening and went to bed without supper.  She no longer joined me for walks.

Nonetheless, what she’d said to me lived in my mind. I kept thinking I’d catch my shadow being just a second behind an action.  I’d fluff out my skirts, and as I’d look down, I’d catch my shadow fluffing a little longer than I had. For many weeks it continued like this.

I’d convinced myself it was a trick of the light.

After much persuasion, by midsummer, I was able to convince Elsie to rejoin me on our walks, though it wasn’t until early July that she brought up the shadow again.

Of course, by this point, I was practically begging Elsie to share what she knew.  Although the saga had started by my noticing these ‘tricks of the light’, I was now finding myself doing things rather out of character.  I would find myself snatching things, throwing items, pulling my hair, and other strange inexplicable actions. In any such case, I would notice the shadow of my arm moving well before my hand would start to lift.

I began to become convinced that I was possessed by some sort of demon.  I sought help from the church, to no avail.  By July, I was desperate to hear more of what Elsie had to say.  i apologized for scolding her before and pleaded for her to tell me what she had noticed.  

Elsie had little light to shine on the matter, just that she would notice my shadow moving in ways independent of my own actions, and that, very occasionally, she would notice I was without a shadow at all. We sat on the park bench as I listened to her account, watching my shadow the whole time to no avail.  Then suddenly, without warning, the arm of my shadow lifted, and I felt my own arm raise in response.  I watched the sharp grip on my hair before I felt it, and watched the arm tug, before my own followed in response, bringing me down to the ground with a sharp pull.  With my cheek in the dirt, it was difficult to see much beyond the arms of my shadow reaching towards Elsie’s.  Then grabbing the shadow of Elsie, and then dragging her down into its own shadow. I braced for the shock of Elsie’s small body being thrown onto me, but the impact never came.  As I raised my head and looked around, Elsie was no longer to be seen.  

I asked onlookers but no one had seen where she had gone.  I sent one of the boys to bring a message to Thomas while I searched, but nothing came of it.  In the time I had spent searching rumours had already circulated throughout town.  Something had happened and I had fallen into some sort of a fit.  It was said that I had hurt Elsie and she had run away.  When I arrived back home, the only remainder of Thomas was a note.

I could not stay in the house, but I had nowhere else to go.  I marched dutifully in the direction of the convent, but the difficulty I had in arriving!  Making all manner of unexplained turns and tugging at my clothes, my hair to drag me in all different directions.  If the rumours had not already been circulating, I can assure you that my public walk through town’s square would have started them.

Alexander, I have been so affrighted.  Your niece is gone, Thomas has fled; even the candlelight frightens me.  I can only visit the outdoors on cloudy days. I only hope that whatever is happening to me understands and respects the ancient law of sanctuary, and pauses its terrorizing until such a time that I may see you again. As a man in science, my last hope is that you may present to me some logical explanation, and answer where my dear Elsie has gone.  Please present yourself directly to the Daughters of Holy Spirit in Northampton. I only pray that you will come soon enough

Forever yours,

Rosalin