i saw the TV glow

This movie is insane. It had me at the edge of my seat, ass cheeks clenched and all lol

I can def see this not being everyone's taste. The themes or its execution will not resonate with everyone, but it definitely made me feel some type of way. It made me remember life before.

Here is a cringe little dump of my thoughts. Honestly, i should have written this in my journal instead of posting it online ^^' might delete this later, but i do wanna share my thoughts on this movie....

Just like Tara described, when you wake up (start living authentically), the life you were existing in feels like a distant memory disconnected from yourself. Watching this movie reminded me of that past life. That life was only a few years ago, but it can be so hard to remember- as though it was a memory of an old tv series rather than life. Most details are forgotten and there doesn't seem to be much of a point in remembering. Life before transition is dull, meaningless and empty. "Like chapters skipped over on a DVD." It all just passes you by. 

"This isn't how life is supposed to be."

The first thing you notice is the wrongness of it all. Sometimes, that wrongness has been there so long, you fail to notice it. 

"You won't even remember that you're dying!"

You can try to distract yourself from it, but there will always be a hum of wrong in the back of your skull, chest, your everything. You do whatever to try and forget there is a truth you're ignoring. However, every day you ignore the truth is another day you lose; another day you will never get to live. 

"The longer you wait, the closer you get to suffocating."

Time is unrelenting. Each day, your chest tightens and it will get harder and harder to breathe, until you realize you don't even have the will power to fill your lungs any longer. There's no point in continuing on. The effort of existing has become too exhausting. You either wake up, or you die procrastinating on it. 

Watching Isabella get older, develop "asthma" and continue an empty life in favor of ignoring the power and truth inside her was so damn painful. The ending had me so excited thinking she was finally gonna wake up but then she just didn't?? and now im heartbroken cus like ur girl is waiting for youuuuu. the life you deserve is waiting for you!! i know it's never too late, but goddamn you don't need to go through all this grief. WAKE UP GIRL!!! but maybe she just needs a bit more time.

Though I get it. It's hard to make that leap. But as someone who has made that leap, my god it's the only thing in life that's worth it; and it's not as scary as you think it will be. You gotta at least give life the CHANCE to get better; give your loved ones a CHANCE to love and accept you. You gotta give yourself the chance to live; to be alive. 

I was expecting the Pink Opaque to just be used as a metaphor throughout the movie. Needless to say I did not expect it to be their real life. 

This movie is crazy and it's gonna make me crazy. 

If you need me i'll be drawing them and crying and staring at my ceiling and coughing up blood.