safe spaces

this is a trigger warning. this is my safe space to rant. if you want to reply or read on feel free to but i just need a place to get everything out. 

i feel like im painfully aware of my problems. and i watch them slowly fall apart. i hate my friends, i hate the future i’m building myself and i know the boy i want is just using me. im talking to about 10 guys and it’s all for attention. i want to be loved. but i love to hard. why cant he just want ME. whats so wrong with me? i feel dead when he doesn’t message me. i feel like i cant live without him. this is normal. this is how everyone loves. but why hasn’t he messaged me back? come back to me. hes mine and i need him so badly. i dont know why im like this. my brain is scared hes going to leave me but he isnt even mine. everything depends on him.