myself

just almost 2 weeks ago, i had tried to kill myself and I don't know why I'm writing this but I am and it just seems so sioly. right now its the juggle of death, or I go to work, and I face my life head on, and I do it, and I push myself, and I live life for what it is, or I can get out the easy way

the easy way

grief is such weird thing

death rattle

I didn't realize how bad it was till someone made a joke about it, and I told them before about how I still think about it, almost every day, and then I just . i just . if that makes sense.

i feel blank I feel I feel I feel I feel

too much

nothing

such  life I've had\

after I stole a bottle of alcohol last night, I hid in my closet and cried. i hid and I cried. and that was so strange to me, and I ended up sleeping in there.

i miss my little sister, not matter how bad she pestered me, how much she fucking pissed me off, and now, its just absent. its quiet in our apartment now. or my apartment now because I messed up because I cant hold anything for shit not even myself myself myself

thanks for letting me yap my before 8 hr shift