Confronting the Scroll: Breaking up with TikTok

TikTok is a lot of fun. So what’s the issue? It’s the scroll. That god forbidden scroll through an addicting algorithm-fed feed that literally never ends.

On Thursday, I decided to remove the apps Instagram, Facebook, and most importantly, TikTok, off of my phone. I kept the accounts (for now). I had been thinking about it for a while, and on Thursday I had just had enough. Checking my screen time for last week, I had 14 hours and 16 minutes on TikTok. The week before that it was as high as 24 hours and 34 minutes. That’s basically a part-time job at this point. 

We are all aware that the app's layout is shaped specifically to make us addicted. Yet most of us don’t care or can’t break out of the habit of waking up to scroll for hours before we’re even fully awake, or bringing our phone to the bathroom to entertain us while taking a shit. 

The first day without social media was totally fine, I mostly just spent it reading and studying. I did reach for my phone on occasion out of habit, but after picking it up, realized there was nothing on it for me to do. What’s left on my phone now is the essentials, basically. My finance apps, package pickup services, different messaging apps (they don’t count as social media to me because there’s no scrolling or algorithms, just conversations), Spotify, and streaming services’ apps for casting shows and movies. Nothing to mindlessly scroll through in order to avoid a specific feeling. 

Speaking of that last part, I have a tiny challenge for you. I want you to try something the next time you reach for your phone for no specific reason (like checking a notification or opening a specific app for a task) and stop yourself for a second to think about what you’re currently feeling. Most of you would probably say that the feeling is boredom, or that you simply picked it up out of habit and didn’t even think about it. But take another second to really analyse what you’re feeling. The reason you have to check your phone before going to bed might not be simply because you want to be caught up with the most recent news, or because you’re just used to doing it every night. Imagine how you would feel if you didn’t allow yourself to use your phone while in bed at night. I gather some of you would think that it would feel akin to some sort of emotional torture. Personally I found this to be the case whenever I would attempt it.

I use my phone before bed to avoid having to lay quietly in a dark room and face whatever morbid thoughts and anxieties my mind decides to cook up in that moment, like that one time I embarrassed myself seven years ago, the numbers in my savings account, or what I ate (or didn’t eat) today. 

The remainder of the weekend was a bit more challenging. The “scrolling withdrawal” hit me like a train. The symptoms of addiction withdrawal as stated by HealthDirect are the following: 

• cravings

• problems with sleep

• irritability or agitation

• feeling restless

• trouble concentrating

• mood changes

• feeling depressed or anxious

And when I tell you I experienced every symptom on this list I am not exaggerating in the slightest. I’m not stating that social media is a legitimate addiction comparable to addictive substances, but I think there’s something there. But the feeling I felt more than any other was loneliness. The loneliness that has always resided in my body and mind but has been consistently numbed by mindless entertainment finally rose to the surface. I felt the need to reach out to people for meaningful conversations, where a couple of days ago I would have just picked up TikTok to deal with the lack of meaningful connection with other people.

I don’t know for how long this “withdrawal” is going to last, but today I already feel better. It’s Sunday as I’m writing this, four days total being social media free. So far I have been incredibly productive. In order to fill the time I would have spent on social media every day I had to get up and do a lot of other things. I suddenly have more time in the day to do things worthy of spending time on, such as cleaning, organizing, studying, and reading. Maybe the next step of the process is addressing the need to constantly be doing something as well. Is this also a manifestation of wanting to distract myself from myself, a way to compensate for the (very fresh) lack of constant entertainment, or am I just an easily bored person and it actually isn't any deeper than that?

This personal experiment is still in its infancy, not even a whole week has passed yet, so who knows how I’ll feel in just a couple of days from now. Maybe I’ll write a proper essay on the effects of excessive social media use and become an advocate for a scroll-free life. 

If you’ve read this far, congratulations! Your attention span has not been entirely fried yet, and there’s still hope for you my child! You decide for yourself what the next step is, will you join me? 

- Minna