【Hi everyone and welcome to the blog, yes, yes I know I haven't been that active but school is killing me and I've experienced many things, some good and some bad but that's life (＾ｖ＾）】  

It seems to always start with the same thing...

I love how this blog shows the lack of moments to be able to express my thoughts this week

                                              General things (sherlock things) 🤩🤩🤩

well i've started reading and today i finished reading a study in scarlet by sir arthur conan doyle it's not a very long work but as i had already stopped reading it was hard for me to follow the thread of the story and even more so since it's a police novel, i liked the sherlock series on the bbc so i'm going to read the 60 books of the holmesian cannon (i have no self-esteem) so far i'm doing well i want to believe, i'm reading the books in pdf because i'm a little short of money but as soon as i pay for my student expenses i'll start buying the books in physical form, i feel that this way i'll understand them better, i've told everyone i know about my new taste and my dear friend yzak has recommended me a variety of books in the police genre by different writers so i have a lot to read and that makes me happy but at the same time it stresses me out 😝

i don't know if i should add this here or under personal things but sincerely, do you remember nira? Well, hehe, Nira and I are already dating, I had to face things like a mature person and instead of blocking him I talked to him about what I felt and it turns out that he also felt the same and that I wasn't crazy to think about the possibility that he was in love with me, we've been together for 3 months now and it's been a bit difficult because it's long distance but we're both willing to fight 😚

-Going back to Sherlock, it turns out that now almost nobody knows Sherlock Holmes, everyone knows he's a detective but that's all, I asked my friend Ale if she knew Sherlock and she said "recommend me some of his songs" she really thought Sherlock was a singer-

Going back to Nira, I watched Sherlock because he likes it but it seems that my liking for Sherlock is greater than Nira's but at least he listens to me and he got me A Study in Scarlet in pdf, that's something I appreciate plus he made me Sherlock stickers which made me laugh, he has a good eye to search for images

It bothers me that in the place where I live very few people know the Beatles and now that I like Sherlock Holmes the group is smaller, I don't know anyone who has read a book by him, I have asked several people and none of them gives me the answer I expect, that frustrates me because in a certain way it makes me feel different, far from the rest and sometimes I just wish I had generic tastes that way there would be more people with my tastes, I would have more topics of conversation, I don't know, I think the feeling of difference also comes from the way I express my tastes. 😵

Speaking about the way I express my tastes is curious, I like to talk to everyone about my tastes so maybe I'll find someone who shares my tastes, that makes me happy for the slightest chance. I have named my friends and family after Sherlock characters, it's kind of fun and it's funny when they start calling themselves after the character I assigned to them even if they don't understand or know about the character.

and meanwhile my private life hehe😨😨😨

     School is killing me, I've only been here 3 weeks and I feel like I'm failing math 💀💀, I don't want to fail math because even if I only fail one semester I don't think I'll be able to recover in the next 2, my friends try to help me but my mind seems to have closed itself to the idea of ​​understanding, I've tried and I've cried but it seems that I haven't tried hard enough, maybe I never really tried, I cried to the teacher so that he would give me a few more days to hand in the work - since it seems that this work will grade us this semester - and the teacher agreed, maybe he felt sorry for me, even I felt sorry for myself, when I got to the classroom I had to put on the most triumphant smile so as not to seem vulnerable, internally I wanted to keep crying but I can't give myself the joy of being vulnerable at school so I pretended not to be sad and everyone believed me, although I revealed to the chemistry teacher that my feeling was real it seems that my shameless smile with which I adorned my words did not convince her much.

My problems in math created the idea that I am a mediocre person, I know nothing, and in the supposed subjects that I enjoy knowing about, they turn out to be lacking when I talk to an expert on the subject, I thought I knew about literature, music, philosophy, the Bible and some unnecessary data but when it comes to talking about those subjects it seems that I only know the superficial, in my assignments with those subjects I only go around the subject without any sense, only using nice words to make the reader believe that I am an expert but even that deceiving is a difficult task for me, I know nothing and probably I will never know anything, it is something that I have been thinking about and I do not know how to feel about that helplessness

Also the feeling of loneliness is hitting me, I feel alone despite having chats with messages to read, or friends at recess I feel alone, it is not so much a feeling of loneliness it is more like I feel rejected, different, I think that the feeling of being different reaches us all but I do not know how to feel about it. I don't even know how to explain it, I feel like even though my thoughts were already thought by someone long before me, no one can think the same as me now, when I like something no one knows it, I have to talk to people online to be able to talk about the topic of my interest but now I feel like people on the internet are not the same as before, it seems like everyone wants to talk about their heartbreak problems just to hear what they already know, I know it's hard to do things but sometimes their problems are so sick that I wonder why they haven't done something to get out of there

                                                                           😖😖😖

I want to block those people but I'm supposed to listen to them so I stay, I stay with the hope that someone will do the same with me when listening to me

I don't know what to think about people, I want to stop talking to them but I need my classmates to help me with my homework and not to misunderstand me, it's not that they don't mean more than a school help to me, it's just that I feel like I'm unnecessary to them, I don't feel like they need me, my jokes are getting more boring every day that I'm starting to think about I keep them to myself, I consider myself a funny person but now no one understands my jokes anymore, it seems that the key is to make fun of people to be funny but my humor is increasingly... something difficult to understand

conclusion: high-functioning autism 🤪

(its a joke)

 -SH

xxxxx