First blog post

I don’t really know what I’m doing but I wanted to actually try this out. This is mostly me just rambl into the void.

I have been reflecting a lot on life and I am trying to make this year a year about reflection. Reflection on myself and my actions, my habits and ideals. Out of it all, I might post it here, into the void.

I have a bad habit of feeling the need to tell everyone everything as soon as something happens in my life. Talking it out really helps me process things, but it also can impact me negatively when my situation is not acknowledged at all by people I reach out to. I understand that I am by no means the main character or the center of the universe, but I just crave this validation of my feelings from my friends. I struggle a lot with making decisions without asking their opinion first. Heck, I view their opinions more highly than my partner.

I try to be active for people I care about, and it’s increasingly more and more difficult in a world where we are so virtually interconnected through social media that we’ve emotionally stunted ourselves in real socialization. The algorithms and AI systems perfectly curate content we want to see, want to engage in, that I worry about our future of being able to engage in topics and conversations that may not be our current peak interest. It’s not easy to listen to details of a matter that you don’t really care about or understand. Paying attention is now a skill that I at least have to force myself to build and strengthen, even with things I do care about.

I know it’s silly to complain about social media on social media. It’s also silly to say I hate that I feel this urgency to blurt out everything to the internet, while simultaneously blurting everything out on the internet. Writing or speaking my thoughts has always been therapeutic for me, and at least here there is a little more anonymity.