I'm falling in love again?

I try to keep the super intimate details of my life to a minimum on here. I have this weird fear of people just finding out my last name because what if they find my address and kill me? This subject is probably harmless though. 

So a few weeks ago, I began a relationship with a new guy. He's really sweet. Even though he's a year behind me in school, he's 26, studying aerospace engineering, and funding himself entirely in school. I really admire his work ethic. A very cool guy.

I wasn't really expecting it. Sure, I've been on dating apps off and on again, but I never really knew what I wanted. Almost every guy or girl I met up with had poor intentions from the start, so why would I expect anything else? I was also pretty emotionally damaged after my last relationship ended out of nowhere. I was convinced I would marry the guy and he surprised me with a breakup while he was playing my favorite album in a Sonic parking lot. The last time I felt that kind of shock and depression was when my friend died. Then again, I should've seen it coming. We would sometimes only hang out once every three weeks and I'd have to beg him to pick up the phone. Duhhh, he doesn't want to be with me anymore. 

Now I find this guy who begs to spend time with me. He thinks I'm beautiful even when my bangs are messy or when I feel like I've gained weight. Because I'm not used to it, it almost feels wrong or dangerous. It's like I can't let myself enjoy it because it could be ripped away in a second. If I get used to having his presence around, then I'll start to spiral or think of the worst during the inevitable times I can't be near him. How am I supposed to rely on anybody?

But it's getting easier to trust him. Even if this is the honeymoon phase, I really do believe he'll continue to go out of his way just to make me happy. He's made an effort to listen to my favorite bands, although it helps that our music taste is super similar. We confided in each other about our dreams and struggles. On Valentine's day, he took me on a surprise getaway to the beach and remembered my favorite flowers. I almost believe he's more into me than I'm into him. All those little things make me think I've finally found a safe place. 

Maybe it'll last for three months, maybe nine, maybe two years. Maybe we'll get married and have kids. I don't know. I haven't gotten to that part yet. But however long we stay together, it feels so good to find my sanctuary again. For now, maybe that's enough. <3