I wish I knew how to speak

For as long as I can recall, I’ve always struggled to find the right words to speak, let alone utter them. It’s incredibly frustrating because I understand the reason behind it: my brain processes information faster than my mouth can process and express it. This makes it especially embarrassing when it happens in front of someone or for something significant. I’ve tried various medications and treatments prescribed for this condition, but none of them have been effective. I’ve come to accept that I’ll always be a bit different, a little slower than others. And that’s perfectly okay. I’m grateful for the human experience. I can be grateful for the duality of life. Imagine if I were an ant; that wouldn’t be a very enjoyable life, would it?

Now, I can’t help but think about everything that led me to be a human. It’s mind-boggling how everything aligned perfectly for me to exist in this form. Whenever I contemplate these thoughts, I feel like I’m floating, and it’s both exhilarating and terrifying. Then, my brain instantly asks, “Why are we here?” and my stomach drops because I can’t provide an answer. How do I say anything to that? I yearn to say something meaningful, anything to that profound question, but there’s simply nothing I can say.

Anyway, I must stop writing or I’ll fall into the wonderland hole and never be able to escape. 

With all my love TT