.ೃ࿐ mourning an ex (who is still alive)

You are one of the coolest people, and I hate you for that.

I’ve always been drawn to how unapologetically yourself you were, and how well you seemed to know yourself (something I still struggled with). You always had a clear sense of what was best for you, and I guess that’s part of why you made the decision to end things between us. I still hold you in such high regard, and I hope, in some way, you feel the same. Balancing distance and kindness toward you feels complicated— it's hard to pretend I don't hate you, but it's even harder to let people think I still care about you (do i?).

Listening to songs, playing games, and reading books that you introduced me to feels wrong to enjoy.

For the longest time, I kept asking myself why you wanted to stop seeing me. But deep down, I think I already know the answer to that question too.

I’m sorry.
Thank you.
And I hate you. </3