They're not confused, they're leading you on

So, to continue on in this digital garden that I'm creating here, I'm just gonna rant and talk about this random podcast episode that got recommended to me on Spotify. You know, I usually don't listen to podcasts anymore like I used to, but for some reason, this one spoke to me, y'know? It might've been the title if anything, because it was called "They're not confused, they're leading you on." This resonated with me because I had a HORRIFIC situationship with this guy that would go on and off. Didn't help that we work at the same place once a year since we're both counselors at a summer camp. I remember him always saying that he was 'confused' and 'not ready for a relationship' whenever things would get serious, even through his own accord. So of course that title spoke volumes to me. 

Going into what the guy was talking about, he was basically saying that if you find yourself in a situation like this, DO NOT WAIT AROUND. I am severely guilty of this because I always found myself waiting around for him, in hopes that he'll come to his senses and finally get into a committed relationship with me. I know this sounds ridiculous as fuck, but when you're stuck in a situation like this, and how almost artistically they lead you on with false hopes, it's impossible to not think like that. But after hearing what the guy on the podcast had to say, not only did it just clear up things for me, but I finally stopped fantasizing about my past situationship. This reminds me of a tiktok of this girl saying how you don't actually miss that man, you just like the dopamine rush of thinking about him. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but it surely made me question whether or not I actually DO miss him. So, instead of thinking of these hopeless fantasies of being with him, I now started to reflect on whether or not I want someone like him in my life and if allowing him back into my life would actually do me any good. 

Going back to the podcast, he then says that sometimes we all have to go through some sort of turmoil because no one can truly live a sheltered life. A whole 'you live and you learn' kind of thing. But what he says next gave me a whole ass epiphany: If you're willing to go back to that situation, even after the lesson it taught you, at that point you just like being disrespected, and then, it becomes a pattern. 

This made me think of all those times I willingly put myself into those situations again and how even after the lesson it gave me, I didn't learn, and I didn't want to. SO in a sense, I liked the feeling of being disrespected again and again. I don't know why, but the pattern is there. But I intend to break that cycle. I'm not going to run back to him once he shows me a sliver of affection like I used to. 

Then, the podcaster connects the advice of 'don't wait around' to other aspects of your life, specifically within the workplace. I currently work at a shitty food service job where both the customers and my bosses treat me like absolute dog shit. As much as I want to quit, I never find myself to make the move to even do so. I willingly put myself into this situation and continue to bitch and cry about it while waiting around for things to get better. But the truth is, it won't get better until I remove myself from that situation. So, after listening to that podcast, I finally applied to jobs that I'm both qualified for and actually want to work at. 

So after that whole yap fest from yours truly, I highly suggest you listen to this podcast if you can relate to any of these things: Podcast link