i'm considering seeking help

i'm gonna try to find ways to get professional help for my mental issues like a therapist, it's been years and i'm tired, i never really knew how to approach it but it's no longer really an option i can't keep living like this constantly trying to hold everything together with tape ykwim?

I've been doing quite alright l8ly but it's been quite unstable and in the end it's not really enough to push me further in life, i've been fighting (but kinda like i always have been honestly) but it's been kicking me pretty hard now, i've had phases where it's up n downs but i can't take it anymore.

I know i can't to cure it and the thought of it honestly kills me