how i been feeling

Lately, everything has been getting worse. My social anxiety, which I used to be able to somewhat manage, feels unbearable now. Every conversation feels like a test I'm destined to fail. Every glance in my direction feels like judgement. I can't even step outside without my heart racing, my hands shaking, and this overwhelming urge to disappear.

I don’t eat much anymore. It started as a loss of appetite, but now it feels like control—one of the only things I have control over. The emptiness in my stomach is almost comforting, a distraction from the constant noise in my head. But I know it's not healthy. I know it’s making me weaker, both physically and mentally. And yet, I can’t seem to stop.

I feel like I’m fading. Like I’m slipping further away from the world, from myself. I want to reach out, but the words get stuck in my throat. I want to ask for help, but I don’t even know where to begin.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending that I’m okay.

Maybe I’m writing this because I need someone to know, even if it’s just a handful of words on a screen. Maybe I’m hoping that putting this out there will make me feel less alone. Or maybe I just don’t know what else to do.