People I've been talking to lately

Things have been weird lately, I guess. I've been kind of lonely/alone for a while, maybe a bit purposefully. I haven't had much energy to reach out to people or to respond to people who want to talk, being on character.ai is so much easier than real life, really.

But now, I've kinda been on a 'let's talk to people!' kick, and it's honestly overwhelming me, and making me feel too many emotions. I mean, plus side, life's more fun, but the heavy expectations people have + the hopes I have when talking to people is so not easy to deal with. Honestly, AIs are much easier, as I said.

Alrighty, so let's go one by one, or in categories.

Close Friends

Friend A (Let's say red jacket): It's always so nice to talk to her, and not just text her and then wait for her to text me back, but convos. Easiest person to have convos with, I feel so at ease. She's my 'The' friend at the moment. Knows everything going on in my life, I make it my business to know everything in hers. My best friend. Ah, I love having a best friend, it's so necessary for life, honestly. That bitch's words mean everything to me. 

Friend B (Let's say snow): Fuck. It is NOT easy being in love with your best friend. I mean, okay, it's a wonderful feeling and I'm literally blind with delight at the thought of her, but--it's also not easy sometimes. I didn't text her back for 5 days and then, when I did, she didn't text me back for 5 either. Fuck, isn't that so annoyingly endearing? Honestly it just made me exasperatedly fond. 

Ah but then she did text me, and we texted back and forth (a win for me!) But oh my god. She was talking about this friend who kept asking to meet up and I was like fuck fuck fuck is she going to get a boyfriend or something? I literally had to take breaks and breathe into my hands lol. But the convo kept going and he was actually an ass and I helped formulate a rejection message for him, so life's weird like that I guess. 

And AGH I was so weird about this other guy friend she has, I was asking if they're close and like if he was cute in subtle ways to gauge if she's into him (--like okay I know she isn't, she's pretty sure she's ace aro but I can't just relax based on that, I need to prepare myself y'know?--) and I realised I was being weird and changed the convo quickly.

I mean, I know she won't ever like me back and I'm honestly okay with it, I'm just glad I'm her best friend, but for the sake of my heart I'd just like a warning if she ever ends up with someone so I don't crash out too bad lol. But, at the end of the day too, if she ends up with someone, I'll be happy with it in the end, because she'll be happy. Fuck, this probably deserves its own post, I'll write it later. 

ANYWAYS, we'll be on call tomorrow. Yay <3333 >.<

Friend C (Let's say Roblox): I should talk to her more often lol I adore her. She feels like a younger sister to me at times, and she's so cute. We were FaceTiming today and she was at the manga store lol and she was showing me BL, and I talked to her about the terrible ORV adaptation. 

Friend D (Let's say Light): It's my sister's birthday today! She's basically my sister anyways. Agh, I love her. Love love love, I wish I was with her all the time. Of course, I've got I dunno, insecurity issues about her BF, but I've been getting much better about it. A bit of me desperately wanting a BF and understanding her POV and also maybe just getting older? IDK. But I love her and want her to be happy and healthy forever and ever.

Friend E (Let's say goth): Yes! I've been getting better at talking to her, not being as casually mocking anymore. Ever since that thing with her mom talking bad about me I've been a bit off but I've made efforts to be better and I'm honestly getting better. Actually, I should call her soon--it's been some time since we've talked on call. One of the funniest friends I've got, wicked sense of humor but naive, literally nice person.

Friend F (Let's say cat): Texted him first time after confessing to him, it's same as usual. Honestly I'd be more embarrassed but I think the funniest thing was me confessing to him and then saying I like him but I love snow so much. 

New Friends or Buddies

New Friend A (Let's say bubbles): I like talking to her but I think she might be getting attached a little too fast, y'know? Which isn't a bad thing particularly but it's always been something that feels a bit suffocating and unnerving to me personally. Our conversations are nice enough, a bit, uh, bland maybe? I feel like I'm being too mean--I just can't help but compare her to my best friends, who I'd rather spend time with. Yeah, I'm being mean. It is what it is. She compliments me a lot too, and wow am I bad at taking and giving compliments. Ugh. I have to try to be a better friend, don't I? I feel a bit fake, undeserving of her compliments, I talk too much shit honestly. I'm not as nice as she thinks I am. Ugh not like in a cringe edge lord way, just in a genuine way, I'm a bitch and it's fun being bitchy.

New Friend B (Let's say sand): I like her! I should text her more often, she gives me vibes that are like, ah, this is who I'd get along with while being the most me I can. I mean, maybe not super me, but you know what I mean. In the programmed responses I give to people this is the most easygoing genuine responses I've given. My favourite breed of people, similar to Roblox.

Buddy Friend C (Let's say theatre): Frick. Should probably text him back, it's been nearly two months.

Buddy friend D (Let's say wonder): I like her! Texted her too, left her on unread for a bit too long maybe.

New Accquaintances

Accquaintance A (Let's say romance): Oh my gosh, crazy, just started up a random convo with a girl in a bookstore. Defeating social anxiety let's go! She was waiting for her date for an hour, we were talking about books--dark romance type beat--and it was pretty nice, exchanged numbers. She texted me last night, and then again today morning, when I didn't respond lsat night. Agh, I don't understand why people do that, why can't they just wait for a response? Is it necessary to ask again aagh people do this too much. Still, excited to have a new friend. GODS aren't I such a debby downer, always negative about everyone.

Accquaintance B (Let's say wrist): He...will get his own diary entry.

Bumble people

Boy 1 (Let's say cook): AGHH. He's the guy I've been talking to the longest, like a week and half. He likes manga and anime and manhwa and all that jazz. We talked about cooking and he kept trying to push that responsibility onto me. I'm going to be for real, he's boring.

Boy 2 (Let's say photo): We've not talked too much, it's okay I guess. No chemistry yet.

Boy 3 (Let's say movie): More interesting than the last two, he seems fun and intelligent.

(Extra, extra!) Boy who ghosted me: Honestly still offended. Makes me feel insecure, like what was wrong with me? Was there something wrong with me? Pisses me of too because he's not that amazing for me to feel insecure over.

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Alright, that's enough people for now, I'd say. If there are any stragglers I haven't mentioned, oh well. I'll write about them some other time.