1st diary

19/02/25 Yesterday  

was a super stressful and kinda traumatizing day. I woke up early to clean the house and take care of my little brother, then I folded some clothes and watched Castlevania.  

I was talking to this person who’s really cool, but I feel like they’re not into me anymore. They’re kinda dry when we chat, but they’re not a jerk or anything—maybe I just set my expectations too high, thinking I’d finally have my dream romance.  

Lately, I’ve been super stressed, and I was popping anxiety meds like crazy—one every hour because I wasn’t doing well. The problem is, taking those meds recklessly can mess you up, and I found that out the hard way...  

It started with this muffled ringing in my ears that messed with my hearing, then turned into chest pain, and my heart started racing so fast I thought it was gonna explode. I was shaking so badly I couldn’t even hold a glass of water, and I felt like if I lay down, I wouldn’t wake up again. My grandpa noticed I wasn’t okay and gave me a med that slowed my heart rate down, and I felt a bit better. I was totally freaking out, and I never wanna go through that again.  

I also didn’t eat much—my stomach felt full, and I wasn’t hungry. I don’t even feel like eating much now. I made lunch for my siblings and went back to watching Castlevania. I don’t do much besides my chores at home, and after I’m done with everything, I just wanna lie down, scroll on my phone, and do nothing. I don’t like feeling like this, but I think my depression is taking over again.