Self loathing pt 3

I hate how I constantly never feel wanted. Like the only way I get satisfaction is by getting groomed or something. But I met a really cool guy and he's very nice to me. He's my favorite person I've ever met online. Even if we aren't dating and he'll probably never see me that way I think I like this stranger. I sent him photos of myself and it felt good. He gives me dopamine rushes somehow and I can't stop thinking about all the things I can ask and say. But now I feel too embarrassed. He probably doesn't wanna talk to a 14 year old. And I feel kinda bad that I keep talking to him. Sometimes I feel annoying with all the non sex related questions and me just wanting to know more about his personal life. I wanna know his name so I can cut it into my thigh. Maybe he would get off on it. I really want him to like me and use me. I want to feel wanted.