Week 2: SUCCESS on to Week 3

I'm learning how to fill the time better, and when i don't the boredom gets me to think more or get off my ass and do something lol.  Honestly, I can't even believe its been twofa weeks since I've last doomscrolled, time has been flying so fast for me and at the same time sooooo sloooooooww(im still waiting for the flip phone im SO EXCITED)

Everythings been slower lately (and yet, still too fast eye roll)  Theres so many things I want to do, so many things i can fill my day with that I have a hard time picking sometimes.  I've always had that problem tho lol always wanting to everything at once and ultimately doing nothing.  But i'm trying to break those habits soooooooooo .  Im really proud of my progress, if I had to look id say almost 100% of my screen time on my was on firefox from the amount of AO3 prowling ive been on(other like 15% being replying to messages and the occasional fanart peak which were all exceptions I've allowed myself from the beginning)

What have I been up to this past week.

Well, in my last post I talked a lot about journaling/blogging and that's been a big chunk of my time really.  I'm having a LOTTTTT of fun using my common place notebook, i use that bitch for EVERYTHING!  I'm watching Psych again and I decided I wanted to annotate it, write down all the timestamps i find funny, over analyze the characters, its the stuff i enjoy most even tho it sounds like it sucks the fun out of it I DONT CARE IT IS THE FUN  Around the beginning of the week I decided that it was time to be a better thinker too. 

I've always been kind of introspective, i like unpacking and analyzing and figuring out what makes me tic  and why im feeling a way etc (in general i like organizing subdividing putting things in their labels and catagories, analyzing, creating organization for my organization thorough notetaking all that it ticks a box in my brain that gives me dopamine but its also probably why i never did write or journal much like this, its a lot of mental work)  But I never really fully got into thinking about stuff, I also want to be in general just better informed of the world, more knowledgable.  So I made a list of resources to check out to be a deeper thinker, and YESSS i know it sounds pretentious but again THIS IS THE FUN STUFF FOR ME OK I LIKE BEING STUPID AND BEING ALL LIKE hmm yes the red color of his left nut symbolizes his internalized hatred towards men and therefore... himself!!!11!! OK WHATEVER also is it a crime to be well informed of the worlds affairs?? i think not!!

annnnnnyyywaaayyys all that to say i've been taking a course called learning how to learn, which i think i mentioned in my last post as well.  Its pretty cool, and ive been using my common place notebook for the notes too.  I took the course cause honestly my method of self teaching can be questionable at best.  Its not like this course isn't telling me stuff i already know, but its exlpaining the psychology behind techniques or procastination (a little bit at least) and I think its been kind of kicking me in gear a little bit.  If I'm being honest I kind of already knew most of the techniques its just, I don't know maybe its something about it being in a class form im learning it with or the fact that its been two years since i joined online school and the other shoe hasn't dropped yet and YES my assignments still need to be done, it could be a liteny of things but I do feel like it's helped me be more productive.  At least a bit.

I've been taking things more slow, like i said earlier, so I haven't immediately jumped into five other books and try to learn them all at once yet, or i guess five MORE books since im still doing my actuall school and studying for my drivers license(taking the test tmmr wish me luck!!!) i'd like to explore some of the other topics on my list.  TBH i kinda forgot I made it until i started making this post lol.  Theres some interesting channels/ books on there about psychology, debate, thought experiments stuff.

Speaking of books, i've been reading huzzah!  Kind of(on and off when i remember every blue moon).  I  decided I wanted to go out more often, and the library in my town is actually pretty nice. I also have been wanting to read more but never just had the attention span to read anything that didn't already have a character I was attached to (IE fanfiction LMAO)  but i sucked it up and picked something that seemed interesting.  Right now im reading "Survive The Night" by Riley Sager its pretty good so far, its a get you on the edge of your seat kind of thing.  Though it isn't the typical kind of story id go for im really liking it.  I'd like to see if theres more books of the psychological horror kind but they didn't have any on shelf at my library so I'd have to seek out one and ask for them to send.  Im also supposed to be reading the Great Gatsby for school and annotating it but ive only gotten to one chapter so far ive just been caught up in so much this week ToT

Back to the blogging, i finally started making the video blogs!!  Though, I haven't posted anything yet.  I'm still editing.  I've recorded two videos, an introduction and an analysis on the Psych characters so far in season one.  Ive already finished editing the introduction one, i just have to watch it back one more time to make sure I like it/isn't too boring and i have to re-record AGAIN.  Once im done with that I'll start editing the Psych vid and if it isn't too boring i might even post!!  Honestly its really fun but it was way harder than i thought.  My mind was BLANKING.  Writing these are so easy its typically just thought to text thought to text thought to text, pause on thought, put it to text then i reread it all and erase anything that was redundant and BOOM blog done but with the videos i can't make revisions that easy and i guess is different getting the thought juices flowing when its thought to voice instead of thought to fingers typing on a keyboard.  Like, just an example i didn't know i was going to say any of this, i'm typing all of these as i go.  I wasn't even planning on explaining my LAST sentence it was just an oh this might help kind of thing, im typing as i go and i guess its a bit different when its speach, or not and i was just immensely tired whilst recording those videos WHO KNOWS i know its me i was tired it was both i actually don't know STOP PRESSING ME

Anyways im pretty excited to post even tho its a little embarrasing.  Posting pics is easier when you get to control every minute detail in what you show of yourself, videos are a little harder to feel less insecure about yk?  Probably shouldn't delve too deep into THAT topic on the internet, maybe ill save it for the notebooks lololololol.

Besides some draiwings I made, and havne't psoted yet because its a two parted and i need to finish it sigh, I guess the alst thing Ive been up to last week,  I guess techincally this week?  IM COUNTING IT AS LAST WEEK CUZ IT WAS UP UNTIL THIS POINT, is that i've been playing silent hill again.  ITS SUPER FUN!!  I posted some art and my theories. thoughts I wrote down while i was playing in my you know what book on my tumblr, ill probably cross post it to here soon.  IM LOVING IT!!  The sound design is soooo good its got me near pissing my pants constantly i swear.

Goals for week 3?

Well, I'm hoping to keep up the lack of tik tok scrolling and such.  I'd like to finish my book and keep up with my school work, the basic stuff.  By then I should be done with my little course im taking and maybe I'll move on to picking up that one python book that got sent to our house when someone stole my sisters credit card or look at that one page i was talking about with all the little youtube channels and such.  My goal for this week is to keep on keeping on and try not to relapse into bad habits.  Doing some more healthy stuff would be nice, eating a bit healthier using the treadmill that stuff, tho those are habits probably best introduced as a goal for the MONTH rather than a week.  Id also like to finish Silent Hill, accumulate my thoughts on it(maybe make a videooooooooooo tee hee) and start the next one IMMIEDATELY.  I'd have to go through the hastle of downloading another emulator but i dont care, from what i hear its worth it.  Im so excited.  

Id like to talk to my friends more this week too.  It's not like I haven't been talking to them or anything, but id like to keep up with them as more.  I kind of realized that i've fostered environments where we just talk about our interests with each other and I actually don't know a whole lot about them.  Like i've known my best friend michaela since we've been in seventh grade, so like probably 13 turning fourteen(we're both 17 now), and I only JUST found out that she has THREE STEP SISTERS.  Granted, shes never told me about this stuff, but then again i never asked those deeper questions either did I?  And I don't know much about my other best friends either!  I atleast think I know their favorite colors, and some more personal stuff about them but not through direct conversations just stuff they've all sent in their groupchats and it bothers me that I don't know my best friends that well.  

That's a whole can of worms, I'm very bad at making and maintaining friends and once i get into a zone that im comfortable in i never want to push anything in fear of making the others uncomfortable or being weird.  I've never really had deep conversations with friends, or really made friends on my own (its like ALWAYS been through someone else and I always had the help of something else keeping the conversations from being awkward) so I guess I don't really know how to have friends, what friends do all that.  Id like that to change that yk, I want to know my friends favorite color, i wanna how their lifes going what their aspirations are, what show you've been watching this week, the new video you watched that just changed your mind on something, all that stuff.  I guess its another thing i've got to suck up and just ask "hey what you've been up to this week?" and hope it gets easier as time goes on.  Me and my online friends kind of have something like that going on which is nice, but sometimes I still feel like I dont know them that well.  

In sum I guess I just want to be more conversational with my friends and keep up what I've been doing.  In about a week or so I should be able to phaze my phone out all together and I'm super excited for that!  I'll have to talk to my friends about a better way of contacting me in case of emergency or something they URGENTLY want to tell me but I think it'll all be for the better in the end.  

That's about everything I can think of at the moment, thanks for reading if you made it this far!!  I know these probably just get thrown to the void and nobody reads them(or cares, honestly this stuff isn't that interesting!) but I still really enjoy this.  It's nice, cathartic, and i get to talk about the silly mundane stuff in my life without feeling bad about boring somebody with it.  Thats all i got, see ya soon toodles!