my lotr headcanons (written at 3 am)

okay

1. frodo is asexuallllllllllllllllllll

hes got that ace swag come on (the same with bilbo <3)

2. elrond is a ✨girl✨ dad (ik he has sons but nahhh arven is his *daughter* <3) and not in the u-come-near-my-daughter-ur-gonna-have-a-meeting-with-my-shotgun way no he genuinely wants the best for her (he SMILES when arven and aragorn reunite in the movie awwww)

3. not lore accurate at all but i like to think the palantirs were just like facetime for the kings to chat w their kingdoms 1000 miles away from each other (izildur calling elendil: hey bro, hows gondor?)

4. (post sleep) eowyn and merry have trauma bonded and are besties now(to be fair almost everyone in the fellowship trauma bonded with e/o lol) merry comes to gondor every now and then and the two of them laugh ab the traumatic things they went through while faramirs just standing off to the side like "yeesh this is getting concerning"

5. i feel like sarumans not fun to get high with lol imagine before he got hooked on the whole sauron thing he and gandalf were just sitting after the council meetings lighting up their pipes and saruman gets in a couple puffs and starts bitterly recounting their work in middle earth and how its all useless bc the Ring is *gone* anyway theres *nothing* going on in dol guldur gandalf, just being very obviously suspicious but gandalfs prob seeing like three wee hobbits dancing on clouds or smth so hes not paying any attention to saruman whatsoeverrr

6. i really hope that there came a day when the ents found the entwives again bc i wanna picture little entings sprouting up around fangorn and how adorable that would be (imagine little hobbits interacting with the little entings AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH)

7. when sam got elected mayor for the sixth time after being in office for a total of 42 years he was prob like "i cant plant any more geraniums guys we have a garden bed stretching all the way to tuckborough and theres far too many fruit trees to properly harvest all their fruit. the diplomacy stuff i can handle but NO MORE PLANTS the ecosystems gonna get all wonky and plus half of you cant even take care of your weeds properly you dimwits >:("

8. pippin's prob a very good dad to faramir (yes he names his son in honor of the captain of gondor awww) n faramir (the man) gets teary eyed ab it. at least one faramir is FEELING loved by his father :')

9. bilbo steps foot into the undying lands and the first thing he says is "so wheres the dragon", frodo explains that these lands are safe from any such creatures and bilbos like "aw shucks i thought we were going on another adventure :(" then elrond laughs "there is one great adventure awaiting you - the elves need your council on... the expanse of your new home that you have so righteously earned mr baggins" and takes bilbo by the hand while frodo and gandalf just stand there and giggle

10. i think bilbo has a little ritual he does every year on thorin's passing anniversary, including fili and kili ofc. he finds ways to honor his friends the way they deserve

11. im obsessed with picturing gandalf interacting with baby frodo. like i know his old wizard heart grows about three sizes when he steps into Bag End and a wee frodo greets him like "hello mister gandalf :Dd" AHHHH stop

if i have any more ideas ig ill add them to the list lol