Meet me

Assalamu alaykum. I'm a 16 year old kid, technically a teenager (not technically, just a teenager). I think I have communication problems: My mouth doesn't move when the voices in my head speak; my arms and face don't make the gestures I plan in my mind... However, I try very hard to overcome my problems. I am so used to crushing myself... Lately I've been feeling like I can't express my thoughts, or to be more precise, like no one is listening to me... Whenever I have to speak in front of someone, the first word I say must sound so inspiring to them that before I finish the first sentence, they have a brilliant idea and they start the conversation all over again. Because to them, my problem is the size of a pinhead, not worth listening to. So I listen to WHAT THEY SAY so that I can be different from them. I comment on what they say so that they don't think I'm not listening and leave me alone. So I am in the role of “that friend who listens to everything and gives advice”. Except for “OK”, “I understand” and my one-sentence comments, no dialog is written for me. I am an extra. But this time it will be different, I am the protagonist of the story I am writing. I could write in a diary, then no one would hear me. I wouldn't tire anyone by TELLING them my ridiculous thoughts. But you don't know that that “trouble the size of a pinhead” sinks into my heart as I keep it inside me. I mean, if you are going to criticize my troubles, don't comment because if you do, I will cry (really). I'm not a kid, i am a baby, it's not normal for me to have tears in my eyes even though everything is fine. I guess this indirectly indicates that I am not normal. I realized something, I use the words “I mean” and “like” a lot, maybe that's why I'm not understood. They don't understand what I'm saying, so they don't listen to me? If I keep thinking, I will come up with many reasons. They are all possibilities. But what is certain is that I can't speak, and that's why I write. I think I will have to add THIS word to “this” list, and I think the word “I think” should also be added. The list will be overflowing with words I'm crushing myself with. These aren't even words. They are all either adjectives or pronouns. None of them have any meaning on their own.