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maybe the human mind rlly is just naturally complicated. i want to say i understand myself, but there’s this part of me that i just can't grasp, no matter how hard i try. it’s like the answer is right there, sitting in front of me, but i can’t open it. like a gift that’s not meant for me. all i can do is sit here and wonder—why am i like this? my questions feel so complex, but the answers are obvious. i know them. i just don’t quite understand them.
is this a gift?
is this a curse?
so, what's going on is that: all i’ve ever wanted was a long life, which turned into wanting to be immortal. there’s so much in this world, so much i want to see, to have, to experience. and even tho i’m young enough to chase after it all, i still feel like i don’t have enough time. like tmrw’s alr too short.
and then, the contradiction sometimes is, i want to live as short as possible. die early, yk? not because i’m sad or exhausted, just because i’m curious. death doesn’t scare me. wtv comes after, whether it’s nothing or smth, it doesn’t rlly matter. sometimes, i catch myself slipping into nihilism. sometimes, i become way too pessimistic. and sometimes, i just think about life as if i alr have it all figured out, even when i know i don’t.
is this a phase?
am i a bad person?
i feel wicked, like i’m rotting from the inside out. i seek out hatred in things before i let myself love them. i can count on my fingers the things i find beautiful. i try to give love, but i’m just not good at it. maybe it’s bc i never got enough of it. or maybe it’s bc even when people give me love, idk how to fully accept it, and so it just turns into waste.
does that make me a bad person?
i wrote a song on May 7, 2024, called starstruck. it’s about someone who throws love away, takes it but never keeps it. i thought i was writing about someone else. i just realized i was writing about me.
i don’t want to be a bad person. i want to have a pure soul, a soul as white as a lily. but at the same time, that feels like it would make me stupid.
i feel like a tree standing on the edge of a lopsided cliff, leaning but never falling. ppl say they can read me just by looking at my face, but the truth is, i’ve always been enigmatic, layered in so many levels. i wear a mask—but is it rlly a mask, or is it just the version of me that exists in public? is it still real? am i faking it?
i don’t even think i’m true to myself. i don’t even know who i am. and the weirdest part? i was never indecisive. so does that mean i’ve been sure all along? ><
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twinklelore
This reads like someone peeling their soul layer by layer, and even in the confusion, it’s hauntingly beautiful. You said you can’t quite grasp that part of yourself,that it feels like a gift you’re not allowed to open but maybe you already are. Not all at once, but in the way you write, the way you reflect, the way you feel. Maybe every blog you’ve left behind is a piece of the ribbon loosening.Reading this made me feel like I was sitting next to your thoughts instead of just scrolling. And I guess that’s what I’ve always admired about the way you express yourself, you don’t just share words, you leave traces of something real.I don’t think you’re wicked. I think you’re someone who feels deeply but hasn’t always been met with the kind of safety that lets those feelings breathe. You crave love but hesitate with it, maybe because no one ever really taught you what it felt like to receive it without question. And that doesn’t make you broken, it makes you human. It makes you someone I relate to more than I expected.You spoke about contradictions… craving immortality and yet thinking of leaving early. I’ve been there too, in that strange space between wanting to live forever and feeling like time is already slipping away. But the very fact that you're aware of these contradictions, that you can name them, explore them, tells me you’re not lost. You’re just in motion.That line about the tree leaning on the edge of the cliff, quiet, steady, never falling, that hit. Because in a way, that’s what we all are when we feel too much and say too little. Still standing, still growing… even if no one notices.Anyway, I’m not trying to analyze you. Just letting you know that your words reach further than you think. They didn’t just echo… they lingered.And maybe some of us were just made to feel more than the world knows what to do with.
u just always know the right words to say (╥﹏╥)
by barberry; ; Report
Dank Ghost
My perspective for life is that you should live it. Not to be bogged down by what you want to leave behind after you're gone. But go on with your day like it was your last. I know I'm going to die someday. It could be by something else or of old age. I choose to live the way I do because I want to enjoy living, I take chances, I get greedy, maybe I shouldn't exercise. Well, I do it because I can spend time doing it, taking in new sights, while also improving my body in a way I feel progressing stuff.
I feel too many people feel that they need to do checklists for stuff in order to feel fulfilled. I feel that the best way to use your life is just to not care about those checklists to be fulfilled. Do what you want no matter what the world tells you otherwise.
Not that you should take it, but my view on it. Do you want a partner, do you want to get what everyone else wants? You don't that's fine. Do your own thing that you feel like using your time towards.
by Dank Ghost; ; Report