then stroeries of trauma and subconciious what does it mean to be crazy and is it really so bad? who can tell you if you're off the rails and when should you listen

and yet i desire things and touch you greed coursed through my veins something to make the thought s

when i see it so clearly the thoughts came from a place a pain

emotional pain and physical pain are processsed in similar parts of the brain ive heard it said but what truth do you have / where does pain become real why am i so weak how do you people do it why is not everyone a disaster why doesnt everyone give up where do u find the energy the motivation the willpower

why did he hurt me like that? it comes back to that often. the quesstion that is part of who i am where i come from. what does evil come from when i saw evil and i know i did i saw evil . how do you explain that? the desire to hurt others to steal innocence from the vulnerable to steal and take and take and take and yet show no sign not even the suggestion of a "sorry" inside i wonder i wonder i woonder why why why did this happen. because i dont understand something and something you forced to be part of me PART OF ME? And yet you go on and i wonder if you think of what you did to us everyday. does it haunt you?

Maybe its about power. thats what my therapist said. it could be power. but why

examine power. define it?

money and power money and power

its been 8 years!

andwar and war and power and the story and the story

i wonder how it changes me its not who i am you didnt make me i made me

kill my mind be rid of it shed you like snakes skin molting tear of the rotten constriction

i did meditaion again today i find it helpful for me im glad it does something for me i know it doesnt work for everyone it doesnt always always work for me but i can visualize something beautiful hope on posssiivbilities of the future

im trying to talk but words are so hard and when i do get them from the stone of my throat the sand in my esophagous the activated muscle that smothers me beneath the heart rabbit chased and no one hears it even if i m at their ear the feeling is despairing and the muscles tighten constrict i told you about the snake that noose around my neck and theres not enough air. do you feel it too?

look at evil and cant look away hooks in your eyes that keep you

 They start droppin' eggs Plant doubt inside my mind

the hate is often hidden and i ask how can anyone be so cruel and i dont know how i dont know how but they do. and still it takes bllindsided prey animal a Prey naiveté

Reclaimed with Jarrett Martineau