Starting My Healing Journey

I've begun my healing journey. This past week or so I've been feeling depressed, anxious, angry and burnt out. I think it's a mix of juggling multiple different responsibilities at work, coming home to immediately start recording content, and taking care of Blue (my ferret). Not only that, but since December I've been doing guest lives on TikTok. It first started with just speaking on a now close friend's lives. Then, I started adding more and more and now I occasionally make guest appearances on one of my favorite goth influencer's lives. I've even started doing my own lives!

It's gotten to the point that whenever I logged onto TikTok, that was all I was doing! From the second I wake up to the second I go to bed I would get messages like, "XYZ, invites you to their live" or "XYZ, invites you to join as guest" Yes, I would wake up to these messages!

For over a month, I was being pulled left and right doing these lives. So, the other I decided I needed a break. I texted both of my close friends (including the aforementioned influencer) and the Discord group chat I have with a few girls I met on his lives, telling them I would be gone for a few days to work on my mental health. I also messaged my TikTok family's Discord server and loosely explained to the founder that I would be gone. I also explained to my to my friends that I did not want to be messaged and that if anyone did message me I would not be held responsible if I exploded on them. Fortunately, they all understood and assured me they would give me my space and tell others that I would be gone and to not message me.

Originally, I wanted yesterday to be my last day of just scrolling on TikTok but since I called into work I decided to just start. I turned off both of my phones (yes, I have two) and handed them to my husband asking him to put them somewhere until Monday, explaining that I needed a break from them. It's gonna be difficult since they're practically superglued to my hands and I'm so social media obsessed, but it's necessary. 

This weekend I just wanna focus on myself, my husband and our pets. The only time I will be using a screen is to learn about things I wanna do (making a webcomic, vtubing, content creation), watching YouTube channels I enjoy (Hazbin Hotel VRChat), planning and working on my comic, reading on Webtoons, watching tv (by myself or with my husband), and checking my lesser known socials (such as here).

Other than that, I just wanna work on my artwork, practice drawing, get back into my games, read and continue learning about Wicca. Over the weekend I will be detailing my journey on here, a few of my other socials, and in my physical diary.