"I value sincerity/genuine people." Yes, and if you're not introspective yourself then those people will actually scare you

I'm nearly 21 y/o and while that's definitely not old its not quite young either. I feel like people around my age have a unique perspective of the world especially when it comes to our approach to socializing.

If you're my age you likely spent some of your high school years locked up during COVID, then went into college still picking up the pieces of that aftermath. Honestly its a relief to me that so many people are taking their college years more slowly. (Just dropped out my previous college but I'm won't be out of school forever)

When I was 17, (a month from my 18th) I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder that is characterized by "unstable and intense relationships" (literally part of the diagnostic criteria). It honestly explained everything that went wrong with my relationships and friendships. This diagnosis changed my life and the care that I got for it did too. I was in a different practice called dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) from my former, and more common, comprehensive behavioral therapy (CBT). It was a practice designed with people with BPD in mind but a lot of people in different practices use the practical skills that DBT teaches.

I think the best thing DBT taught me that my emotional needs weren't unreasonable AND there will be some people who just can't foot the bill for it, and that's ok and no one is in the wrong.

All my life I felt like there was someone innately wrong with me. But it wasn't that there was something wrong. I'm just built different when it comes to how I value relationships to other people.

Now this lengthy preface helps me segue into my main point. I feel like its not an uncommon sentiment for people to value sincerity in relationships/friendships or "people who you can talk about real things with". Real things like our insecurities or fears of the future or philosophical ponderings. BUT, while I've encountered many people who say they want this, they're unwilling to reciprocate that attitude for others. I've opened up and had serious, vulnerable, and even just plain embarrassing conversations with some people and I was either silently (but very obviously) ignored or told that I was "taking it too personally".

I'm not saying that if you've been this person or are this person now you are unloveable, unworthy, or undeserving of a real connection, but I am saying that when someone opens up to you, especially if its about an issue within your relationship, don't be so defensive. I feel like the push-back I've gotten in the past when I've opened up to others may have been caused by a slightly bruised ego. That I confronted rather then silently letting them nudge me around and be the friend that they used when it convenient for them and not something mutual. I feel like this defensiveness is often built upon a lack of introspection. People unwilling to ask why they feel a certain way about things. After all these years, I really can't stand these kinds of people. It doesn't even have to be deep sometimes. I've met people who say that they're just plain dicks because it comes easy to them, and I respect that more than someone who'd say "I don't know."

After 5 years and ongoing in therapy, I have a fine-tuned sense of why I do what I do and why I feel what I feel, and its amazing. I feel like a fuller person. And yes hard conversations are still hard but when you know why you act and feel a certain way it becomes so much more easier to deal with.

I wish SpaceHey would let me save drafts because this ramble is all over the place, but I'm willing to continue the convo with anyone else in the comments lol.