Depression...?

ugh i wish i had the depression that fueled me to self improve and workout and not feel like a heavy boulder being pressed down, x2, by gravity.... like either in the early morning or late night ill have motivation to become a better person, eating health, working out, organizing/jouraling... then when u axtually like get up u quit and say whats the point, imma die anyway and eat 10lb of junk food... any of yall kwim and a solution???