Writers block

Hello there, if you're back to read I'm glad you're reading my posts because it give me a sense of purpose for writing them. 

I'm running into a lot of problems with keeping at this. You see, I originally I started doing this as self workshop because I am giving myself sort of an in home rehab. No, Not for drugs, I'm just not really sure what you call the types of centers you go to when your head is off. 

I have been what I think some would consider crazy for a while. Maybe one day I'll get into where it all started if anyone wants to know, but to make a long story short I am full of anxiety and rage. I've been diagnosed with a lot of thing, but that's not what's important here. What's is important is that I keep up with taking long baths, writing these, and pretty much anything else anyone could help me with that might give me more of a sense of self.

It's hard to describe but with all the work I do, I feel a lot like life and thoughts go by and get in before I can really address them. My actions, my plans, all are sort of frantically placed together with not a lot of care in mind. When I write though, I can slow down and reflect on what it is I'm really thinking about. Right now as an example, I didn't really realize it was more a feeling of that I am losing me in the race. 

I now want to clarify that I am not in a crisis situation at this point, I am just trying to become the best version of me. While the best version of me is still me, I'm happy with that. 

Trying to think of more things I can do, right now I am thinking about the bacon in the fridge. We planned to make spaghetti for supper, but I can't help but go over in my head how much fun it would be to cook a big giant breakfast from scratch. pancakes, bacon, eggs, gravy, biscuits, the works. it's hard for me to really cook a lot right now while I'm good at it, because, and pardon the language, kids are fucking noisy for no goddamned reason. 

I wouldn't say this to them but this is what I say in my head when I try to cook and accidentally season something to much, or boil it too long. But that's why I am working on this. My theory is if I get more time to sit with my thoughts in a day and learn how to navigate them again, I can eventually navigate through more stressful activities without losing my cool or crying. 

What do you guys do to decompress? What are you having for supper tonight? I hope while you're reading this, if you are, you are safe and warm and looking forward to a good supper. 

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