Cringey V-Day card ft. an ex that's a literal ghost

Imagine: a ghost that spends most of his days pining over their vampire gf ex. They then proceed to write a Valentine's Day card. I think it would go a little like this:

Hey, unrequited valentine...and possibly my sexy ex. I just wanted to let you know that I will haunt that jiggly yet firm goodness (aka your a$$) for the rest of your life. Oh, how I love Japanese purin because it reminds me of you. ANYWAY! I know you're with someone else, but that's just temporary...right?! 

This is my ghost OC, Huey, that haunts his ex with his big time Boo-Tube channel.