2/13/25

There is something particularly malicious about the way a disability acts. It does not matter how much energy I have, how willing I am to take on the day, how much I really want to do something. It is not my choice. The way my day moves forward is entirely dependent on how my body is responding. I've woken up unable to walk, sometimes unable to move at all. That was not my choice, it will never be my choice. There is something so terrifying about the lack of bodily autonomy I have, so bleak. This post is not to wallow in my pity but rather fully grasp what Ive so desperately tried to not think of. Countless days of mine have been spent trying to force myself into what I had already planned on doing that day, which obviously lead to me feeling worse. I know one day I can live with this with little to no push back. One day I will understand and accept what my body tells me is enough. But today I cannot, today I grief my freedom, my bodily autonomy.

ps. I didn't mean for such a woe filled first blog post, but what else can be expected of a girl at this point in life.