A cringe and purity culture think piece

I will be discussing topics of sex, sexuality, homophobia, transphobia, kink/BDSM, and paraphilias. Please take this as a warning fr the topic of this entry, and click off if you are not able to take in these topics at this time/ don’t wish to. Please keep and open mind throughout the entry, reading it all before commenting. I am so down to hear other opinions if you are willing to talk them out, or just leave them for others so see; but only if you are engaging in good faith.

I have seen an influx of purity culture in all sorts of spaces. In real life, online, in fan spaces, in all sorts of spaces that include some sort of media on a day-to-day basis.It is something that I think is shaping the way that the younger people who engage with other think, and its a little jarring.

I have mainly seen this target online spaces that I frequent, things like TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, etc. Which makes a little bit of sense as the online space a person has is something that is in readable customizable, meaning that is person can set up what they want to engage with, who they want to talk to, and the media they consume for the most part. I say for the most part, because a lot of the social based spaces online and, you know, social. With people of all differing opinions, walks of life, taste, and more.

This idea of personalization of the spaces you are in, has led to what I like to call the ‘I don’t like it, so why am I seeing it’ effect. It’s usually when people are in a public, social place on the internet, though sometimes it can be in the real world; see something that they may not particularly like (that does not cause genuine harm to others or themselves) and think that because they do not like it, it should not be displayed or even exist. I am mostly going to be talking about how this is in online spaces as the internet is becoming more and more of a thing that people use and engage with for personal likes and interests, since a lot of people didn’t engage with these spaces truly and deeply until I think a few months into the Covid lockdowns, especially young adults and older. Though the internet was obviously being used in the day to day, it has changed significantly for the public during isolation time. 

I’m going to start with how cringe culture is still something that people who are of marginalized interests are dealing with and how even people within those spaces are contributing to it. 

The internet is a great way of connecting with those who have similar interests to yourself. Whether it be cooking, crocheting, reviewing movies, art, anime, furry things, or just being weird. Spaces and communities that are seen as ‘weird’ or ‘cringe’ are communities such as: the LGBTQ+ community, the furry fandom, show fandoms of less mainstream popularity, book fandoms in the same vein as show fandoms, anime fandoms, fandoms of all sorts really, and kink/BDSM spaces. I mention these ones as these are spaces that I am in and some of these communities, I am a part of. A lot of these spaces are primarily online as they are smaller, less popular groups to be a part of and it is just easier to interact with like minded people even if they are miles away from you. In these spaces, anything that the people do in them will be seen as cringey, odd, and weird; as they are not things that own mainstream society deems are normal. But I have been seeing people trying to police these spaces to make them seem more ‘normal and presentable’ to mainstream society. We as humans are designed to want to be part of the whole, and to not be barred from the community. We are social animals who want to keep in the society we live in, it is our nature. So it makes sense as who why there are some people who try to do this, but they really don’t understand that it will not exempt them from the mainstream judgement. 

For example, in the furry community, there are people who engage in sexual acts while wearing fursuits, called murrsuiters. I find myself not liking this, it is not something I would like to engage in, nor do I want to consume it, but I understand that there are people who like it and do it. And I take that piece of knowledge, that it is a thing and I don’t personally like it, and I just don’t engage with the media/act. I may talk about how I personally do not like it, but I would never try to distance myself from people who do it as there is no point in doing so. I am a furry, I like anthro characters and art, and so do they, just in a different way than I do. But what the mainstream society sees I when looking at me and a murrsuiter is the same thing; something fucking weird and not normal, which is true in this context. They do not care that I don’t want to have sex in a fursuit, it owes t make a difference to them. But I have seen other furries, who also don’t like murrsuiters, attack and berate murrsuiters for “making the community look bad”, which makes no sense. All furries look bad to the mainstream world, as it is abnormal by the nature of todays society to have interests and hobbies in general, let alone one that is centered around cartoon animals. This applies to baby furs/diaper furs and therians as well. Society sees these things as all the same thing and hates it, no matter what category one may fall into. (I am aware that therians and clinical lycanthropy are not under the furry category, but society doesn’t, which is why they are mentioned here.)

Same thing goes for in the queer community. I am a gender nonconforming lesbian. I use they, he, and other pronouns as I don’t exactly care for how I’m being referred to as, as long as its not in a femme sense, as I am a butch lesbian and effectively identify as a butch. People like me (those who use neo/xeno pronouns, aren’t in any gender binary, use ‘confusing and complicated labels) are toted as the ‘weird’ parts of the community, some going so far as to say invalid. There are some queer people who say that those ‘kinds of queer people’ are not like them and that they are one of the normal/good queers. But it doesn’t matter, because society doesn’t care about how queer you are or what ‘kind’ you are, but that you are queer in general. Society doesn’t care which one you are, and dislike or even hates all of the community the same. And though you may not identify with those other queer people, that does not make them less queer, you any better than them, or make it okay to try and paint them as a net negative for the community as a whole when it isn’t the people in the community that are a problem, but the world that we live in. If you do not like those identities, don’t use them, or if you want, don’t talk to or interact with the ones who do. 

In general fandom spaces, things like race-changing art for representation, headcanoning odd or niche things for characters and being extra engaged in that community are seen as weird and cringe. Things like making NSFW of characters that you like, even if the characters are inherently bad people, is seen as something that shouldn’t be allowed in the community as a whole. Proshipping is a big topic in a lot of fandom spaces. (Proship is a label that someone uses when the are against people being harassed for the things that they ship in a fictional context. It can go from not harassing people who like a different ship from you, to not harassing people who ship things that have more of a ‘immoral’, complicated, or illegal dynamic)

I myself do not like ships that are extremely toxic, or contain themes of extreme taboo (incest, pedophilia, assault, extreme power imbalances, abuse, etc), but I am not going to say that these things do not have the right to exist and that people who ship them or like them should be kicked out of the community as a whole. I do like like these ships, or the community, but they are not causing real harm to be done t others in the fandom, and when they do, it gets addressed as the issue what it is, usually just the actions of one person doing something bad in real like while happening to enjoy these dynamics as well in fiction.  

I think all of these things should have their own spaces, just like we create spaces for those without these tastes/ interests, while still understanding that they are not separate from the whole, and that they themselves are not making the medium of that space less favorable in society, as society views the whole community as the bad thing.

I myself have expressed a distaste for a lot of things, recently and in the past, but I still understand that these groups of people are a part of my community and aren’t making it look bad, as my intents in general are the thing that people think are weird, not the other participants in that community. I honestly find a sort of comfort in knowing that there are people in my communities that are able to express themselves, with their gender and sexuality, odd hobbies, kinks and fetishes, odd relations to characters and more, as it is so refreshing to know that there is space for those to genuinely be themselves in the communities I am a part of. I think that even if we don’t agree with something is own niche spaces, we should embrace them as our own as that is what they are. As long as no one is getting hurt, I see no problem with the thing that these people are doing, even if they are not something that I agree with personally. I just think that if someone is aware of how the things that they are interested in are perceived by others and how they navigate the space they are in, they should be free to do as they please, as it causes to harm.