TEC16, ep9: GENDER

so yeah im a girl right ive always been a cis girl

but as ive grown older ive noticed that i dont quite fit into the stereotypical 'girl' label (like a lot of girls actually) but yeah my style has evolved a lot: during quarantine times i was really into vintage adverts and instructional videos and fashion as well (i honestly think i felt a sense of comfort in the old timey imagery that gave almost like nostalgic stability during the very unstable and unpredictable pandemic), then i gravitated more to woodsy/almost cottagecore aesthetics, then i went full baggy clothes, black eyeliner and stuff, and now i dont even know anymore lol

but point is i went from traditionally feminine style (i used to wear dresses *gasp*) to more and more androgynous/masc and generally experimenting with appearance (ive tried things like highlighting my moustache hairs, which i unfortunately dont really have, with eyebrow mascara(?) lol yknow like masculinizing my face a bit)

shit i have hairy armpits (tho i struggle to grow them), i kinda dont like my chest idk i sometimes wish i was just a sexless creature just happy to crawl around and hang out (so...basically gollum)

i just dont fit the standart girly girl frame. and im okay w it. and im also fine with being fluid with my gender presentation (sometimes i wanna wear pretty makeup and sometimes i can barely put on mascara)

regarding pronouns, she/her has always been my go-to, but online im also fine with they cuz its at the very least just a gender neutral way to address someone

so yeah, im just ~~not like the other girls~~ (actively puking brb) :D

[edit: ohhhh i totally forgot to mention gender envy!!!! for me its the feeling i get when i look at dudes (love ya gway) and i just URGHHHHHHH I WANNA BE THAT i wanna have that femboy swag lol u know what i mean guys who are more feminine are my ultimate gender envy activator]