my crush/yapping abt past relationships ??

So i have this crush on one of my friends but like i hardly talk to him so i know for a fact bro doesnt like me , i mean hes so cute (to me at least) and like i want to talk to him more but anytime i text him i just get all nervous no matter what , thats one of the reasons why i DONT talk to him often. I just feel bad that i yap about him to my best friend. i try not to trust me. but seriously , who would date me ?? seeing my dating history i mean i got dumped all just 2 times. well i got cheated on last time but he still dumped me. the first guy i dated , we were like glue and paper , however , we were long distance. that didnt stop us , or at least me. anyway , it was December when we had first dated and it was perfect only for a week or two until he had ghosted me until january. it was january 5th when he had dumped me (also 5 days before his birthday and a day before our one month anniversary) now dont get me wrong he was so nice and gentle when he said he wanted to break up with me but the reasoning. he told me he wanted to break up with me bc he was gay and a femboy. 💀 i was SHATTERED. but looking back at it now its so funny. like bro ghosted me just to come back a day before our one month anniversary just to say hes a femboy and gay. i mean he did say i was the prettiest girl and the nicest girl he had ever dated. he did say a lot of other nice this but anyway , onto the 2nd guy. now this guy only lived like 40 minutes away from me. i thought he was the best but he was lowkey controlling. he wouldnt let me have celebrity crushes or say anything abt them. anyway he said some rude things about my best friend which drew the line for me bc i love my best friend and that was just unacceptable for me. Anyway , he met my sisters gf bc we let him join our gc along with my sisters bsf. and oh my. he cheated on me with her and said all this crap abt me ?? like im not the one who cheated. i didnt cheat i was loyal. hes the one who cheated on me with my sisters gf. it was a whole mess but they arent together now so jokes on him , he even apologized to me 💀 did i say anything? no. i left him on read. anyway this is why i am the way that i am. its all my past. i mean who would want all that? Who would want a gf or someone like me with a horrific past? Im weird on top of that and im cringe at times. so cringe theres no doubt i'll make myself cringe. so theres that sorry for yapping BYE BYE!!