i might delete this bc im getting some friends onto the platform and don't want them to see this absolute failure. this is more of a rant, sorry about that. 

I've been working towards getting this one award since I figured out it existed (aka 6 1/2 years ago!!) and they gave it to this girl who wasn't even on the general peoples list. I know i should be happy for her but all i can think about is her flaws and why didn't I get it even though I worked so hard for it? It's driving me insane i might actually crash out. even worse, the award is teacher decided so all the teachers i see everyday actively discussed my name and passed me up. i've gotten all As in every subject and am in all the clubs im interested in, i help out around the school, i do everything. and i don't even know what I did wrong. I cried for 4 hours straight last night (my throat hurts so bad rn) and want to jump out of the window and into the night each time I see one of my teachers faces. especially my principal because she announced it on the loudspeaker, unlike our old principal who would pull people aside (probably? idk.) 

broadcasting my failure. just some food for thought.

anyways, any tips would be appreciated. i'm already crashing out. thanks.