girl problem

okay so i was talking to this girl mind you I've known her since 6th grade we went to school together and i had a crush on her for soooo long ever since I've known her she's my best friends best friend so i have to see her all the time but i moved and i didn't get to see them as much but we would all still hang out well i started focusing on myself and had a hella glow up and she started like talking to me but not just because of my looks because she used to like me before then but anyways me and her start to talk and i start falling deeply in love with her mind you I've never had a gf I've never talked to girls in person i was hella shy in person when it came to girls I was perfectly fine talking to people but with her i was just so shy well we met up and i hadn't seen anyone in years since i moved and started focusing on myself well we met up like 5 times and in between meeting up we were talking and everything was amazing but she had like bipolar hella bad like really ill bpd she made me cry one night because i did so much for her to like me and i was completely in love with her and she told me that it will never work out because I'm shy in person and that hurt me so bad i just completely stopped talking to her

 she holds that above me to this day because i guess it broke her heart that i left even tho she literally told me that we just needed to stay friends so i ghosted her she blocked me i started focusing on myself again well i had texted her because my best friend told me that she unblocked me and i was watching the perks of being a wallflower and it reminded me of her so i wanted to talk to her i texted her and we just apologized to one another just talking well she starts heavily flirting with me talking about how she missed me and wish i never left but i found out she was talking to this guy the whole time and i brought it up and she said she would leave anyone for me i said na I want you to talk to him because I didn't want to just ruin a relationship well turns out the guy she was talking to was like weird as fuck she tried leaving him and he threatened to kill himself and that if she doesn't stay with him he will show her vids of him harming himself well i was there for her as much as i could be one day she gets the courage to just do it and break things off w him his parents call her and tell her that he's missing and the police were out looking for him and in that time period he was sending weird ass suicide threat vids to her and i guess we was like drunk as hell and that realy fucked with her head which i get but at this time me and her were talking and i was like falling for her again

 when all that went down she just completely cut things off with me it hurt hella bad she was very on and off yk one day she would tell me she wanted things with me and that she thinks she loves me and that she likes me alot and then the next day she would tell me that she will never be with me or that all we will ever be is friends and thats all she sees me as it ruined me so bad she was all i thought about i would give her everything she needed all my time and energy and this shit was like genuinely affecting me my parents saw it my friends saw it she was all i wanted and all i thought about even though she wouldnt speak to me or we would get in huge fights because she would constantly hurt me and then that would end up me being blocked and yes this all sounds corny as hell to me typing all this out but i liked her soooooo much well i gave her time and she came back again and i told her this is the last time if you leave again ur gone and im not taking you back again she agreed that all that was a mistake and that she never meant to hurt me and that she was so sorry she ruined my whole fantasy and mental health anyways she came back and we agreed this was the last time it was going very well she told me she just has hella commitment issues but that she was gonna try and work through it all to be with me

 well one night we have an argument and i call her confessing everything to her and she really just sat there barely speaking and giggling she hates calling but i just couldnt type nm that shit was getting hella annoying i sat outside on call with her at like 10pm we talked for a few hours and we made up she told me that shes gonna make this work well that next morning i woke up to a big ass paragraph as i always did and it was her saying that shes too busy and that she cant do this and that she needs to focus on her life and herself i was so hurt because i went months listening to her music because it reminded me so much of her while she was gone and i felt if i listened to her music and make up weird romantic fantasies in my head maybe one day it would one day work between me and her when she said that to me i blocked her on all socials and just cried for weeks well just recently my bestfriend calls me we are just casually talking like usual and he says that she texted him asking for me to unblock which i did not want to do i hateeeee that woman and i told him na but he also said it would make him happy if i did because we are both his friends and that he atleast wants us to be on good terms

 its been a few months since me and her talked so i unblocked her and it was her just apologizing to me about everything but shes always doing this thing where she feels like she did nothing wrong or she had good reasons to do what she did to me like just because she had alot going on in her life she could continue to break my heart leave and come back and do it over and over and over again so i told her how i felt but i really didnt gaf about any of it anymore well she starts asking me these very flirty questions i also asked her if she started talking to a girl because my friend said she did she told me that shes only talked to one girl in her life and that she never spoke to a girl while we werent talking shes constantly texting me and its going good and then the next day she hits me with the i dont think we can be friends or talk anymore i asked her why she said because shes been talking to this girl and that shes been commited to her and that shes like loyal and shit like ho is okay you literally just told me you havent talked to anyone anddddddddd ur telling me you can be perfectly loyal to a female but not the guy that was completely in love with youand  had everything you could need so i just blocked her and told her i hope it goes well whats ur thoughts also im sorry this is so long and out of nowhere