not sure what to say

so, hi again

before i'd try and make myself a little more formal and get comfortable with blogging (like i did with tumblr and even my wattpad a long time back) but this just... already feels like a safer place.

my step brother, Ryan (who i'm naming out of spite) did apologize to me a few days back for what happened. but he also still hangsout with the crowd that were in on the crap. he's not all bad, really, but he's got an ego around him that i wish would get knocked down a peg.

but anyway, this post is about a dream(?) i had when i had a high ass fever (got tested and i've got the flu :/) it was about this girl in my theater group. i know i know, "wow 19 year old guy has fever dream about female classmate, gross" but it's not like that. it was actually super distressing. i told an online friend about it, (hey Bea if you ever see this) and she said it sounds like some kind of "bad juju work" 

the girl (who i wanna keep unnamed) committed a crime. a really gorey one. the dream started with me dragging the tools, her the person, and us throwing both in a ditch and having to bury it. again, i had a fever, and this was straight out of left field for me- if i ever encounter a nightmare of any kind it's usually the apocalypse scenario (i have an extreme phobia of Zombies) and they end pretty quick. but this was a whole 2 hour nap of mine, before i got up to watch part of the super bowl.  (Go birds i guess-- i'm not even a sports fan but my mom and step dad are.) the girl in question and i barely ever cross paths, and when we do she's nice to me but talks more to Ryan. seeing her in such detail, lucidly helping her commit a crime and being able to identify where we even were- i'm just really really shaken up about it. 

idk, that's all for now i guess. stay hydrated y'all