we’ll have a house on the shore that showers my soul

the daily sacrifices made on my behalf are a virtue— bittersweet, but necessary. a declaration of identity, as though i am proving myself with every misstep and correction. as though i don’t already have enough to contend with, these days. 

it’d be thoughtless of me to admit that you were the one who taught me otherwise. .upon meeting you, i began the painful process of facing a disturbing reality regarding my bodily integrity, one that strays farther than i am comfortable with. you cant pick and choose the thoughts that plague you at night, the reasons why i continue to pick at my poor, decrepit skin. when i look at you, my brows furrow, tightly pinching my face into a wrinkled mass. whether it manifest out of frustration or concern, i won’t ever find out because when i think about you, my chest begins to tighten. my thoughts begin to tunnel into one, and suddenly my world revolves around you. and thats not okay.

“washes away the the violence that runs in my blood, drains the pain that i caused you down through”