Extended yap on various topics

Yipi I'm back :3

Not that I was gone, I just haven't had any motivation to write anything

I'm trying to fix that, actually
I want to try and write a little bit every day to build up that motivation and stamina (I am an incredibly slow writer when it comes to things that are actually important)

I spent most of my day writing stuff for my OCs, actually! I saw this prompt thing on Pinterest that said "If you want to get to know your characters, interview them" and I went sorta wild with that list

I made the interviewer Rei, who is sort of a self-insert character in the way that they represent me, the creator, within the story, and had them interview my two main characters

The whole thing is about 7 pages long right now and I'm not quite finished

I had the actual interview be lore beyond the surface level, too. It could theoretically happen within canon, Rei talking to them in order to help them process or develop (?) I guess

I honestly didn't think too much about it and it makes so little sense now that I'm putting it into words
Oh well

I accidentally tapped into my inner Jonathan Sims writing it though
I had Rei basically manipulating answers out of them

My two MCs are Einar & Eden

I'm still not quite set on their names, despite having been working on this whole universe for over a year now

Einar was originally just Ei, though that's still her nickname, but it didn't really have any meaning because it started as just a placeholder

Einar does though, it means "one warrior" and she's a very warrior-esk character

I also had this whole thing that she hated her full name, originally because she was meant to be MTF, but I kinda dig the full thing now

And as for Eden

Her name was originally Edith and I just recently started playing with the idea of changing it to Eden

It was kind of an on-the-fly decision

I never really did like the name Edith, though, which is the funny part

It also started as a placeholder name and sorta just stuck
But now I have the two MCs with E names

Einar also is called "Knoll" but that is way further down lore wise and to be honest I just don't know what to do with them rn so they'll just stay as they are

Who knows, maybe Pinterest will drop the perfect name and save me from the jaws of defeat one day

Anyways yeah, that's basically all I did today
I don't actually do a lot in my spare time and it's getting to be a bad habit if I'm being honest

Like I hate school but at least it gives me something to do other than mess around on my computer
More like it stops me from doing so, I have other things to do I just never have the motivation
(╯︵╰,)

I also played a bit of Minecraft today
I was messing around with this horror mod
Which may sound like a bad start, given most of the popular horror packs are those overpowered and overdone lurkers, but this one is actually pretty good

Its called "the broken script" and honestly I'm not entirely sure what it's really about but it's quite eerie to play with

The moon explodes, I know that

And there's an entity called "Null" that actually shows up as a player in-game, which I actually adore as a concept

That uneasiness knowing you're not alone
Which the lurker mods try to do, but in those they're just another mob, not an actual player character

The scares got me pretty good too, which probably isn't saying a lot because I'm sorta a wuss when it comes to horror games

It's not the actual horror that makes it hard for me per se—I'm fine with horror actually, film, audio or whatever else—but it's more so being in control of the character and being responsible for moving through the environments

But yeah they got me pretty good
I'm salty though because I was making pretty good progress on my house in this world
But when I was running away from a skeleton, text started popping up on the screen—stuff like "behind you", "one of us", the works—and I died
then it proceeded to kick me from the game
And now whenever I try to log back on it says "You are not whitelisted on this server" and doesn't let me on
Still pretty darn scary though

I remember when I was younger I played a mod with a similar mechanic to the Null character

I think it was herobrine in that specific one

Little 10 year old me couldnt handle it

I have some good memories from playing minecraft, all around
From when I first started to that period when I played pocket edition all the time

That game's been a pretty big part of my life and I love it so much

Going back to the 'not being able to play horror games' thing, though, I think my problem is with being chased
I don't like that in games
I feel like I couldn't think fast enough, it's just so anxiety inducing

Actually, I was thinking recently and noticed that whenever i have nightmares, they're only ever about being chased
That probably means something, dream interpretation wise
Wait let me look it up

Well that was very non-definitive
Basically all it said was 'you're running away from something' like no shot dude

But it's weird

I love dreams
Just the concept
The mystery
The safety

I've been trying to lucid dream effectively for years now
Some nights I have the odd burst of lucidity but I always fall asleep too fast trying to do any of the fancy methods 

I had a pretty controlled lucid dream the other day, though
It was at a school of some sort. The walls were very green

I remember I decided to exercise my free will and yelled "F you!" really loud at a teacher
Which doesn't sound very big a thing to do, but whenever I'm lucid dreaming my full will is never quite all the way there
It feels like there's this thick piece of glass between me and the dream, and like I'm also on a drug trip
So stepping out of line that bad was a pretty big step, I think
I did some other stuff too, messed around a bit

Do people in anyone else's dreams never quite have a solid identity? Like I remember following one of my friends in that dream, and while I was doing so they turned into another one of my friends, but never at a distinct point of change? Like they just melted into each other

Plus I never remember what people look like, just who I know they are
It's odd

I had a dream where I was in a thing similar to the hunger games and I was being chased by someone in my grade, then when I confronted them they turned into a stuffed toy at some point

But oh my days I could yap about dreams for days dude
I've been keeping real messy dream journals on and off for a few years
I should really make it a proper habit
But I know I have a bunch of documents spread across 2 or 3 google accounts, my notes app and another journaling app, plus a few in an old notebook

But yeah I love dreaming
I would live in my dreams if I could

It was last night, or maybe the night before, I had one about this railroad/zipline thing that went though a foggy wheat field, a line of those big electrical towers a bit into the distance on one side
it was so pretty

Then there was this 3-headed statue that was the focus of some ritual, these black blobs with red eyes being brought forth by it, crowding around me and going "I'm going to spectate you now"
It felt more threatening in context, I swear

yaya :p

I mentioned the chasing dreams but I really don't get nightmares all that often
And when I do, they aren't petrifying 
Sometimes it's sort of annoying, actually
I can never seem to run right
Either my feet seem to slide across the ground and only catch at the last second, making me really slow, or I'm just so exhausted I keep falling over

Ever since I was a kid, actually, I've just sorta... known how to wake myself up, too
I'll try to open my eyes real wide, and in the real world my body will listen
I can only recall having difficulty with that once and it wasn't serious

I could also talk a lot about dreams from my childhood
There are a few that are really close to my heart, you could say
But this entry is long enough and I'm only half conscious writing this to be honest
So I'll wrap it up

Before I got ready for bed, I tried to do some goth style eyeliner, thinking I could play around with it and immediately wash it off
Didn't work
My eyeliner is crap so I used some black facepaint with it too
And one the result was real messy
I guess applying facepaint with the back end of a comb with shaky hands is not a recipe for success
Also it didn't completely come off so the eye I did it on is just darker than my other one
How neat

Anyways that was my extended yap on various topics, hope you enjoyed
I did finish all of tmagp so i'll write about that sometime soon (probably) but until then

You are super cool and I hope YOU have the sweetest dreams!!