entry number 1 - 2/9/25

11:40 

new to spacehey, was introduced by a friend

i will need to learn html to customize my profile, which is good, because apparently my will to decorate far outshines my will to start progressing. 

slept at 00:00-ish, woke up at 06:45. will need to sleep earlier today to get back on my normal schedule. i'll take melatonin around 15:00, and try to sleep by 17:00. 

i still need to get my career exploration assignment done. i know where i want to be for college and that i want to do scientific research in the future (maybe even complete with a lab of my own, with a book on a bookshelf that -if moved correctly- opens a secret doorway to my second but very secret lab where i do the things i don't tell the government about). but i don't know what field i want to get into. i wish i could study everything, and contribute to everything, but i am very sure i cannot do that within my lifespan. 

given the state of the world, i might go into medical research instead of pursuing the search to discover what is currently beyond what we can even begin to think about attempting to measure, or explain, or understand. the possibilities thrill me and breathe wonder into my very being. that thrill would be enough to be my motivation to follow through with it. but that likely wouldn't be a sustainable career option. it would also probably drive me up the wall. 

if i went into medical research, i wouldn't enjoy it. i think every being with the capacity to think and feel and experience and think about experiencing should be able to live their full lifespan, and not have it cut short. that won't happen in quite some time, though. peace between all would be nice, but that clearly isn't going to happen any time soon. i cannot understand why things are the way they are, or why some people of the same molecular structures and same matter as myself think the way they do. we have no real need to fight amongst ourselves, yet we do, and it's ridiculous. but i don't owe anything to my species. it's selfish, yes, but so is everyone. 

anyways. currently in my 2 weeks of freedom from my pmdd-altered menstrual cycle. i don't understand why it's looked down on to speak about it, but i don't really care that much. i'd prefer to document my feelings about it now, because i think it would benefit me in my future if i could figure out how to fix my hormone fluxuations somehow. i would need to know how i feel at this moment in time to have a reference to look back on. this cycle dictates my life in ways that make me unimaginably angry. i don't think it's going to happen with the current technology available, but if anyone is going to immortalize their consciousness in a machine and do science until the sun explodes, i might be the first.

headache today, not a bad one, just enough to be annoying. might be because my atlas is out of alignment. 

need to move my desk and bookshelf and vacuum sometime this week. also study for the SAT, and state testing, and write a letter to my Oma, and my friend in florida, and finish up that drawing and order that puzzle for my aunt's birthday, and do that art trade i didn't really ask for, and get my third and fourth credit in english, and look for jobs. so much to do. 

starting skating lessons once more on wednesday. i like skating, it's just me and nothing else. 

it'd be nice to get this all done and not have anything to do for a bit.