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Direction in Life and Life in Montréal
I used to wake up and write three pages of continuous thought in the mornings in Montréal. It was a time of more leisure and of more freedom. I had worked my ass off over the summer at a bakery to afford this time off. But the question that stuck in my mind was, "time off from what?" My life hadn't exactly been full of rigorous activity and structure for the six months before that; in fact, far from it. Days melded together and just became one long amount of time, teasing me with their timelessness.
Montréal was different. Different from anything I'd ever experienced and different from anything I would ever experience again. It was me. It was six of my best friends. We had one bathroom and it was always moist, but somehow we never ran out of hot water. The windows were drafty and the house was on a tilt; it was a classic, three-story, old stone apartment. I slept in X's closet which lent itself to many obvious jokes.
Nights were spent drinking and smoking and cooking. Talking and laughing and wrestling. Everything felt alive again and life was exciting. I suppose I can say this now in retrospect easily. I was a kid back then and I was still figuring things out in a lot of ways. All of my friends were still in school and there I was writing music. I couldn't help but feel a little ashamed of my life at that point.
When people say, "I just don't feel like I have any direction in life." I always want to tell them that they do but it's not the direction they trust. It's as if they were standing at a fork in the road; they can choose right or left. Their gut might tell them "right" just on instinct but the left path looks safer and so ultimately they'll choose the path on the left (albeit, hopefully with some hesitation.
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Ryan
Great way of explaining that time! Especially the in retrospect part Lol. I felt I was going crazy at times but god do I wish I was back there sometimes. The grass is always greener and all you can do is think about what you could’ve done different but still- in retrospect that was a distinct and great and memorable time I’m sure for all of us. A necessary era of life for sure with some bad times but some of the most amazing ups. Of course, Covid only enhances this feeling of nostalgia Lol. But glad you put this into words! Never forget The Fortress! And I’m glad that you were there, we made some great memories.