Reminiscing an old friendship

I miss my ex-best friend loads, I don't understand why but god I miss hanging out and talking with her every day. I know I shouldn't think about her due to how incredibly toxic she was and the amount of trauma she caused me, but it's so hard not to think about the amazing parts of our old friendship.

TW: Hints of SH

Our friendship was something I've always dreamt of having since I was a wee lil lad. She had the same interests as me! At the time it was Naruto and funny enough, I met her through an old Deidara Facebook roleplay account. She was obsessed with Deidara, as was I. We started off roleplaying then slowly began to chat outside of character and eventually began to play games with one another. I enjoyed how subtle it was. It went from me being unsure, considering I had social anxiety at the time, then to me expressing myself with her freely without any constraints as I grew comfortable with her. She didn't judge me in the slightest and listened to everything I said or took interest in what I enjoyed. Likewise, she showed me her interests and eventually converted me to like said interests. Some nights we'd hop on Kast and she'd stream movies, videos that she enjoyed, or she'd stream her gameplay to me on Steam. When we played video games with each other, it was either The Isle, IMVU, or others as I only had a console and a Toshiba that was close to exploding every time I loaded up The Isle (Thank you Toshiba for putting in the work by trying to handle the lowest graphics on The Isle). We were kind of inseparable, there wasn't a day I didn't hang out with her. 

Unfortunately, our friendship didn't last long. We were friends for a year or two and I noticed she began to grow distant from me. She'd mostly leave me on read and won't respond for over a week or two. There were a few times she said she wanted to leave social media and other implications that made my stomach queasy. She eventually decided to take a break since her mental health wasn't the best and I did everything I could to console her, then assured her I would be there for her. One night, while intoxicated, she told me that she lied about leaving social media and admitted she did it to get my attention. I felt hollow after that. I began to leave her on read and her presence made me feel stressed out, so i eventually told her how I felt. Her response was basically gaslighting me and making up excuses. I ended the friendship and blocked her after her response. It's been quite a few years now since then. Now, after everything she's done, I come to realize I still care about her. I hope she's doing okay now and gotten the help she needs.