read if u want lol

i don't know how this works like this life in general. faith is hard in a world full of people who are constantly harmlessly pulling you down further. When your naive you don't know that your being harmed and only when your only do you realize, too many voices make u feel unheard but in a penitentiary you feel alone its just you and when its only you, you fail to realize that you had something good and yeah you complained and it really sucked from time to time but now its gone and you miss it and you'll never have back what you once had because you didn't appreciate it, but its not your fault, you didn't realize you had something good and didn't think the day that it would all disappear but amidst all the loneliness around you, you start to appreciate it because would you have found this peace if you didn't complain or do you wish you hadn't because now this peace is boring and feels like your never moving forward just stuck in place forever but you try now to go back to your old ways because what good has that done for you but made you realized you had something good but didn't appreciate it enough until it was gone. God works in mysterious ways, ways that i'll never understand and i don't know if i want to understand it because i don't think its for me i think its just way to complicated for me to grasp right now and maybe once my brain has matured then i'll be ready but i doubt it its not that i don't wanna know its the fact that i hardly care and its not that i don't want to care but i cant help but not to and its in more areas than just knowing its also understanding like why humans do the things we do or wanting to get to know somebody i just don't care about that stuff and i don't know why. Maybe because a part of me knows they don't care that much either, maybe the don't even care as half as much as i think they do.