How i feel tonight

Today I entered the site and I received a comment from misterpeperony I think that the user name j can remember (｡>﹏<｡)its really good to receive a comment makes you feel better about expressing your self

Well for my blog today I felt that horrible sensation again the sensation of not being real I was sitting with my mom and I said "being alive is so weird" because I cannot grab my head around the fact that I actually exist my mom said "it's weird that you feel dead"... It's really is. 

I going back to school soon I hate that place most of my friends are going to study at night here in my country that's a option for people who have jobs you know and I won't because my parents won't let me do it so I probably going to be alone at school what is going to worse my depression 

Recently I noticed I just accepted I going to die one day but I don't wanna die old I wanna end myself so at least I can die young and beautiful or whateva also ( ͡❛ ₃ ͡❛) do you guys stay without Internet before? I do constantly because my phone is shit my parents say I am addicted to the internet that I don't live the real world but it's not addiction it's emotional dependency because without Internet's constant stimulation I get extremely aware of my existence and as all of us already know I hate existing it feels wrong like I shouldn't be here that's not my body not my mind not actions I think I already talked a lot maybe I make this a everyday thing every night talk about my day like I used to do on wattpad 

Well good night or day drink some water eat a snack remember if it was easy to kill yourself everyone would be dead