diet mountain dew

everything was so great

my stomach has been hurting for 4 hours straight i feel like im dying inside, i feel sick and disgusting as a human being. i cant tell if im more woke or if i dont know anything about this world because i go back and forth between knowing it all and knowing nothing it’s driving me insane. the one person i’ve been talking to ditched me and it’s not fair, i need to smash some plates. i don’t know what im doing wrong, everyone is moving on with their lives and actually doing stuff and im sitting in my room feeling like shit bedridden crying constantly. it’s not even about anything, no one did anything to me that i should be sad about i just have this overwhelming feeling of grief and sadness and guilt. i want to go away to another world and live by myself and my own thoughts. my sleep schedule is the worst it’s been in a long time ive been waking up at 5pm and going to bed at 6am. my dress never fucking came so i don’t even want to go to this “get together” thing by myself. i wasn’t even supposed to go alone. i want to rip my hair out and scratch my nails into my eyes. i knew my happiness was short lived, it’s never long term. 

i wish someone could come and sweep me off my feet, love me until i love myself. dying my lovers hair and cutting it to their liking, making sure it’s perfect just for them. i want to explore the world with someone i’m sick of sticking around this place. i want to go on roadtrips with my lover, blast music and see sunsets together. we could explore anywhere we want and go anywhere we want. i want to be held and kissed, know that i am safe in their arms forever and i don’t need to worry about anything but their scent and their heartbeat ringing in my ears. 

young and beautiful

diet mountain dew

do you think we’ll be in love forever?

(i love the 3 piano chords behind this song)