2/6/2025

I've given into sin. i switch up my beliefs faster than i thought, so fast i never even notice. ive never been a religious person, yes my parents would take me to church from time to time but it's just something ive never committed to. since 2020, ive been an atheist. ive never believed in god and only believed in science, astronomy, and logic. my whole life is supported by logic. the thought of something not making sense bugs me so bad, i want to pull my eyes out of the sockets. back on track, ive done something bad recently. my best friend whom i love so much is currently homeless and needs a place to sleep just so she wont have to sleep outside. i personally think im a very kind and sympathetic person, ive always been like this. but when someone keeps asking day after day back to back, it really does bug me because im just a teenage girl, i need my privacy which i cherish and adore. being alone in my sanctuary is so peaceful. but ive always found myself saying yes to everybodies desperate pleads, i may be TOO sympathetic. my friend has slept at my house numbers of times without anyone in my household knowing. she would keep quiet in my closet until everyone went to sleep and she'd sleep in my bed with me and go back into the closet or outside my window before sunrise. this morning she was outside of my window waiting to leave but my dogs were outside and they were barking like crazy at her (no bites she wasnt harmed) and it made my mother think someone was breaking in, we were caught. my mom was so angry at me. at first i felt as if i were doing the right thing, keeping my friend off the streets at her lowest. but i was actually just lying, hiding and disrespecting my mom. i feel so bad, it feels as if god has seen everything i had done. if there is a god, its looking down at me, shaming me. i feel alone, desperate and hopeless.