Seventh Entry – Opening up

Earlier, after school, my friend (let's call her Round, because her face round asf) was upset with her bf (something something problems) and wanted to clear her mind and talk about the situation, so we went to a nearby beach area. We sat down at one of the stone benches while eating and drinking unhealthy junk, just talking about our shitty love lives. I obviously can't put hers in here cuz I don't have permission but I'll tell mine

So I basically told Round that I'm slowly turning straight, she was obviously shocked since she always knew I was bisexual. I also told her that I was slowly falling out of love with my girlfriend. I feel so bad because I love her and she loves me! But I'm slowly losing that love! I'm slowly turning straight and I see her more as a friend than a girlfriend! FUCK!

Round told me to give it a couple months, if I still don't see a change and is really straight, break up with her. But I don't want to break up with her, I'd feel guilty. My girlfriend dated a few guys and girls before, so she'll most likely move on quick. But this is my first ever relationship, I wouldn't move on as quick. 

I can't, I can't, I remember being in love with her for the first time. But my girlfriend is one of those people who flirt with other people, specifically this one girl. This girl has a common name so its KINDAAAAAA fine to tell. So my girlfriend is always talking and flirting with this girl (Our friend btw) Natalie. I would always hear them flirt with each other, I would see her pretending to kiss her, I see her always with Natalie. It pisses me off. I remember giving her a note one day addressing this, but she acted indifferently. I even tested her one time, I didn't talk to her until she talks to me (As I mostly start the conversations). She never talked to me for four days straight (M friends had to help her talk to me, her excuse for not talking to me for four days? "sHe SeEmS tO bE iN a BaD mOoD, like hello? You can still talk to me regardless of my mood :( )

She was the reasons why I would lay in my bed crying, wishing she would focus on me instead of her. She was the reason why I overthink so much of her leaving. I wasted so many tears overthinking about her, yet, I don't have the heart to break up with her. 

Round told me to break up with her, my online friend told me to break up with her, hell, even my fucking brain is telling me to. Yet my heart is too soft to actually do it